


Hold Onto Me

by Hidden_Joy



Series: Jonnor One-Shots [4]
Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: Angst, Boyfriends, Drabbles, Family, Fluff, Friendship, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Requests, Two shots, boy/boy, friends - Freeform, one shots, relationships, song shots, three shots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2016-10-07
Packaged: 2018-04-15 06:22:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 23,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4596240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hidden_Joy/pseuds/Hidden_Joy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of one-shots on Jonnor! I take requests and starters (sentences to start the story). Will include any kind of one-shot. Posted first on FF.net.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gray

**Author's Note:**

> Summary: First I love you *squeals* First part is a little lengthy because it explains the development of Jude's feelings, it's worth reading :)

Life is never black or white. A phrase that has lasted all throughout eternity. A phrase repeated over and over and over again to tell people that things are never just one thing. Things are never simple. Everything is always complicated. Never black, nor white, but hundreds of thousands of combinations and shades of gray. From the moment black touches the white and it's the lightest gray you'll ever see, to the gray where you think it's black at first glance. Though, the phrase is always taken in the wrong way. In a way, black is the most complicated of all colors, while white is the simplest. Black is often looked at as sadness and fear while white is happiness and love. But, black is a mix of all colors. Excepting every one in its uniqueness. But, white is in itself the absence of color. Where things must not co-exist, but be separated. Never mixing, never combing. That's why they say life is gray. Because our world is never one or the other, but a mix. We will be close to deciding on one when the other pulls us back. Sometimes it's a direct center hit. But more often than none it's a whirlwind of emotion and color and everything in between.

That's what Jude's life had seemed like since he was six. A whirlwind of drama and abuse and foster homes and the one stability was Callie. She was the gray, the one constant, even though everything changed, it was still gray. She was always there for him. When she and Brandon had come to rescue him that had all changed. He had found stability in his life again.

Along with Callie a constant in Jude's life was love. He had always been loved, if not my his sister, then by his mother and father when he was a baby. And then by the Fosters when he had come to them. But, a different kind of love was brought into his life when he met Connor. Something unmistakable had happened there. He hadn't understood. Up until that point he had only known the love of a family. Callie had always loved him since the moment he was born. When he had come to the Fosters, Lena and Stef of course had been the first people to love him besides his sister since his mother had died and his dad had gone to jail. Mariana had been next to come along, falling in love with Jude's innocence and shyness. Brandon learned to love him soon after, learning more about him through Callie. Jesus had been the last to come around as Jesus seemed to have a natural state to hate new people. But, sharing a room had made Jude grow on Jesus and in no time it was like they had always been brothers.

But, Connor was different. At first it had been platonic. Friendship was still something Jude wasn't used to. He had been an outcast his entire life, but that seemed to break the day Connor had worn the blue nail polish to school to stand up for Jude having been picked on the day before. The two formed an unbreakable bond that Jude hadn't expected his feelings to grow. Connor's friendship had been a gift Jude had never expected. Connor had willingly given Jude his PSP, only because Jude hadn't had many things. He had tried to help Jude figure out the clues to Callie's birthday surprise. They had hung out so many times and talked so much that it shocked him when jealousy hit him.

Jude and Connor had been having a normal day when Mariana had given Jude the phone, saying someone wanted to talk to him. On the other end it had been Maddie, and she had asked him on a date. He had told Connor that he didn't like Maddie like that and the second that Connor had asked if he could ask her out, jealousy had flared in Jude. But, he kept a cool demeanor. At first, he thought that it was because he did like Maddie, but when he had said yes to Maddie and gotten caught by Connor, he realized he didn't want to go to the movies with Maddie. He thought of Maddie going out with anyone but Connor and Jude didn't care, but the second he thought of Connor going out with anyone else, it hurt him. He had talked to Lena about it, but her advice hadn't made him any less confused.

Then Connor had come to his adoption. And it all became clear to him. He liked Connor. As more than a friend. He didn't know for how long, but he knew his feelings definitely weren't platonic. Or returned. The fact that Connor's dad had made it so they couldn't hang out because he thought was gay made that clear. Jude wasn't sure of his sexuality, but he knew of his feelings for Connor. So he'd questioned Connor if he cared if Jude was gay anyway. Connor had hesitated. That proved the feelings were only not returned, but that it would be weird if Jude even thought of another guy that way. So Jude distanced himself. But, Connor tried. And Jude knew the moment that the bottle on the phone landed on him during their game that his feelings hadn't gone. He wanted to kiss Connor. And Connor seemed to want to kiss him. But, he then found out Connor hadn't stood up to his father. He ended up going silent after the stress from Connor, Callie, and this Sophia and Robert Quinn got to him. Connor had tried to mend their friendship, and when he started talking again, Jude finally went with it.

But then they went on the school camping trip. And everything changed. They had been in their tent, just fooling around and playing games when Connor had kissed him. It had led to a make out session that ended with a flustered Connor pulling away and saying no one could ever know. And from then on the tug and pull of Connor's mixed signals began. It drove him crazy when Connor distanced himself after Jude lied to his Moms and Adam about what they had done in the tent, adding girls to the mix. Jude had finally had his best friend back only to be pushed away, but brought back when he started dating Daria. Connor always made it a priority for him and Daria to take Jude and Daria's friend Taylor on dates with them. The first being the movies. When Connor had held his hand - well, pinky - it had sent his heart into over drive faster than when Connor had kissed him. The mixed signals continued when Connor came over and the two bonded again, ending in a tackle that made Jude's heart race again. But, then Daria texted. And Connor had questioned if he would go or not, but Jude said he could. And Connor hadn't. Instead he came back, but Jude confronted him. Telling him he needed to stop leading him on, which had only led to Connor kissing him again. It was shorter than the last but much more meaningful. It assured Jude of his feelings. He knew without a shadow of a doubt that he liked Connor.

And then it happened. They had snuck out with Taylor and Daria and TP'ed a house, then broken into Taylor's to get drunk. Jude didn't know why he had done it at the time, but looking back he knew. Connor's intoxicating smirks and grins made Jude want to do anything to be around the other boy. But, of course the cost had been Connor being shot. Of course, Jude didn't regret it at all. It had led them to becoming boyfriends.

And here he was, six months later, and Connor had taught Jude a new kind of love. Bigger than friendship, or family. Having a crush on Connor had been on thing. But this... this was different. He had known it two months ago at the LGBTQ+ prom when Connor had pulled him closer as they danced. He loved Connor. It was a different type of love. It was a love that had lasted over two years and through all the bull that the world had thrown at them, and would last all the world would through at them. A beautiful feeling that made Jude's palms sweat, his cheeks flush, his eyes wide and his breath heavy. But, most of all, it made his heart race.

Have you ever heard the sound of a brand new band play together for the first time? Well if you haven't, it's a mess. But mostly the beat. Speeding up and slowing down, never staying together, sometimes sounding like the loud bang of a drum, other times sounding like the soft sound of the flute. That's the way Jude's heart raced as he stood outside Connor's door. Fast, then slow. Off beat. His nerves were getting the better of him, knowing that what he was about to say would either end of strengthen his and Connor's relationship.

Jude took a deep breath, opening his eyes as he knocked on the door. He brought his hand back down and interlocked it with his other hand, glancing down at them. His nails were painted blue. Their warpaint. He looked up as the door opened, his breath heaving as his eyes met the beautiful hazel ones of Connor.

"Hey," Connor breathed, a small, genuine smile appearing on his face. Jude looked Connor up and down, noticing Connor do the same to him. Connor was wearing his signature flannel with a gray tee-shirt underneath and skinny jeans. He wasn't wearing shoes, only socks because he had been inside all day.

"Hey," Jude breathed back, smiling as his eyes met Connor's again.

"Come in," Connor told his boyfriend, moving forward and grabbing Jude's hand and pulling him forward. Jude smiled a bit, feeling Connor's hand wrapped around his as he walked into Connor's house. He knew that Adam wasn't home, due to working. They were alone. And Jude needed it to be that way, or he wouldn't be able to say it. He felt comfortable around Connor, even though the boy made his heart race, it was a good feeling. But, not now. He was terrified that Connor would reject him, wouldn't feel the same. That's the main reason he hadn't said anything two months ago or until now. But now, he couldn't keep it in any longer.

Connor squeezed his boyfriend's hand, looking down at it and seeing the nail polish. "What's the occasion?" Connor half teased, smiling at him, running his thumb over his boyfriend's blue nails. Connor looked up, meeting his boyfriend's eyes again. "Is something wrong?" he asked, seeing Jude's distant look, concerned for his boyfriend.

Jude sighed, squeezing Connor's hand before dropping it and running it through his hair, a nervous habit. Jude's eyes fell to the floor as he spoke, fidgeting with his fingers. "Connor, there's something I have to tell you..." Jude started, taking a breath and meeting Connor's eyes again. He saw worry and fear flash across Connor's eyes.

"Are you breaking up with me?" Connor squeaked out, his eyes glistening a bit as the words escaped his mouth. Jude's eyes widened. Oh, god this was not what he had meant. He quickly recovered, not wanting his boyfriend to think that. He knew the crushing feeling of thinking they would break up. It was like you were suffocating. He couldn't let Connor feel that for even a second.

"No!" he shouted instantly, shaking his head. "Oh my god, no, no, not at all," Jude explained, stepping forward and grabbing Connor's hand. He met Connor's eyes, still seeing a bit of doubt on the boy's face. "No," he assured, squeezing Connor's hand.

"O-Okay," Connor breathed, relief washing over him. "Okay. Then what is it. I'm here, I'm listening, just tell me," Connor explained, moving closer, so the two were only inches apart.

Jude felt a smile grow on his face as he looked at Connor. He knew Connor was there for him. Even if Connor didn't love him back, Connor was there. He would always be there. "I love you."

The words fell from Jude's lips effortlessly and it was like a weight was lifted off his shoulders and he took a breath, watching Connor's reaction. He watched Connor's beautiful hazel eyes widen, and felt his heart sink as the boy stepped back, taken off guard. "I-I'm sorry.." Jude mumbled, dropping his gaze along with Connor's hand. Connor quickly reacted grabbing Jude's hand pulling Jude into him. He wrapped his arms tightly around Jude's shoulder, letting out a small laugh as the smaller boy hugged him back.

"Oh my god, I love you, too," Connor told him, grinning. Jude smiled, gripping his boyfriend and letting out another breath of relief, knowing Connor felt the same. Yeah, Jude thought, things were gray. But, sometimes they were good that way.


	2. San Diego Heat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My take on the whole Jude and Connor seeing each other shirtless for the first time.

Welcome to San Diego, California. Breathtaking views, celebrity hot spot, and sweltering heat in the summer. It may be no Orlando, but it definitely wasn't New York City. So, what did four teenagers decide to do with their time on one of these extremely hot days? Rather than staying inside their air-conditioned houses, Jude, Connor, Taylor and Daria decided to spend their time at the community pool. One reason being the overwhelming heat, the other being that, Connor wanted to do anything other than sit in the house now that he was off his crutches.

Despite the dispute over Connor and Daria's breakup and Jude and Connor getting together, the four had still managed to stay good friends. So, why not a trip to the pool to cool off in the heat? What a great idea. Except for the fact that Jude was freaking out over having Connor see him shirtless for the first time since they started dating. And don't even MENTION the fact that he's going to see Connor shirtless, that is just bad.

But, Jude managed to convince himself that he didn't need to worry about that until later, when they were at the pool. Connor was dropped off at his house so that way they could get ready together. They were going to meet Daria and Taylor at the pool. None of their parents were coming along, as they trusted their kids, besides that they had work. None of Jude's siblings were coming as they would rather stay air-conditioned than go in a pool. Or, as Mariana put it, 'I am NOT going in a pool that has more germs in it than a toilet seat'.

The two boyfriends walked to the community pool, Connor talking of how awesome it will be to go in the water without plastic wrapped around his leg, which he'd had to do every time he took a shower. They met the girls at the pool and they found four open seats beside a table to place their stuff.

"Alright, I'm going in," Daria told her friends, moving her mane of curly hair out of its pony tail as she walked toward the water. Taylor and Jude moved to the water, but only put their feet in.

"I'm gonna go in, too," Connor explained. Jude turned his eyes toward his boyfriend, his mouth hanging open as he watched Connor effortlessly pulling his shirt over his head, full confidence in his body. Jude's normally pale face turned a thousand different shades of red as he stared at his boyfriend getting in the pool. Now, Jude liked Connor for his kindness, his understanding, and naturally care-free attitude. But the tanned skin, forming six-pack, and growing muscles were enough to make Jude near pass out. No wonder Connor was so comfortable in his own skin. Jude had no idea how he could compete with his pale exterior and flat torso, not a muscle in sight.

Jude was pulled from his near-drooling state as he heard Taylor laugh beside him. He had assumed she was reading, as she was leaned back, her book over her head. But, when he turned toward her, Jude saw his friend sitting up, a cheeky grin spread across her face, her book now closed beside her.

"Close your mouth," she teased, taping his chin. "You'll catch flies. And if you get any redder, you won't need the sun for a sunburn," she continued, nudging Jude.

"Shut up," he mumbled, rolling his eyes. He was used to Taylor's comments as the pale color returned to Jude's face.

"You know, you'd have just as much of an effect on him if you took your shirt off," Taylor explained matter-of-factly. Jude rolled his eyes, shaking his head at his friend's comment.

"Yes because pale skin, zero muscles, and no chest hair is completely sexy. Yes, thank you, Taylor," he said rolling his eyes.

"In your defense, chest hair is never sexy," Taylor told him, closing her eyes and shaking her head. "But, don't underestimate yourself. It's not like you're a grotesque alien," she joked, earning a small laugh from Jude. "No, but, maybe not to you, but Connor will definitely think you're hot. Like, I don't think Connor is hot, but look at you. Or Daria, but that guy seems to think so," Taylor told him, pointing to the boy who was staring at Daria she floated in the shallow end.

Jude shrugged. "I guess," he looked back at his boyfriend who was shooting the basketball in the hoop near the edge of the pool. How could he compete with THAT? He watched as the water dripped off Connor's tanned skin. "But he's so..." Jude started, thanking Taylor as she finished the sentence for him.

"Muscular?" she finished, laughing. Jude nodded, keeping his eyes on Connor. "Yeah, well, lucky for you, that guy agrees," she told Jude, pointing toward another guy, who was checking out Connor. HIS Connor. HIS boyfriend. That was not okay with Jude. Taylor grinned when she saw the anger flare in Jude's eyes.

"Now, I'm gonna go back to reading. You go kiss your boyfriend," she joked, leaning back into her former position. Jude felt jealousy erupt in his stomach. He hadn't even thought about this. Connor was gay, so he didn't care if a girl checked out his boyfriend. But, another guy checking out Jude's boyfriend?

"Hell no," Jude whispered. He pulled his shirt over his head and pushed himself off the side of the pool and swam over to Connor. "Hey," he greeted his boyfriend, who turned to look at him. He grinned a bit as he saw Connor's eyes fall on his shirtless torso, mouth hanging open.

"Uh, um," Connor stuttered as the basketball fell out of his hand and onto the water, swept up by another boy. Jude felt slightly self-conscious. He scratched the back of his neck, but as he looked at the boy, STILL checking out Connor, some sort of confidence took over as he leaned forward and kissed Connor, pulling his boyfriend close by the neck.

He felt Connor relax against him and place his hands against Jude's waist. Jude opened his eyes to see the boy from before blushing and looking away. He looked over at Taylor who gave him a wink, before she got in the pool. He pulled back from Connor, breathing heavily. "Well, hello," Connor whispered, his voice huskier than before. Jude laughed and stepped back.

"Hi. Wanna go get a water?" Jude asked Connor, who agreed. The two made their way out of the pool and toward the juice bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tehehehehehe. Hope you liked it. Thank you for reading!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own The Fosters or anything you might recognize.
> 
> -HJ


	3. Drunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The amazingness that is Jude and Connor drunk. Good luck.

"Jude, calm down," Connor laughed, shaking his head at his boyfriend's tense attitude. The two had decided to go out to a bar to celebrate Jude's twenty-first birthday. Of course, Connor had wanted to do the same thing for his own twenty-first birthday, which Jude had rejected immediately. ('Come on, you're gonna be 21 in a few months,' 'Connor Stevens, you know how I feel about drinking at all, don't push it,'). But, Connor had waited long enough so they could have their first drink together.

Okay, not their first drink. There had been those sips of whiskey in the dark family room of their friend Taylor's house when they were thirteen. But, it had all been worth it, as it had been what pulled them together. Even though he was newly twenty-one, and his ID was one hundred percent real, Jude was still busting with nerves. "Connor, you know calm is not something I'm good at. And besides I've always looked younger than I am, you know that, what if they think, I'm like, seventeen," Jude huffed, looking around.

"Okay, Jude, considering that fifteen year olds who look ten get in these places everyday, I think you're good. Besides, babe, the youngest you could pull off is nineteen," Connor teased, nudging Jude as they moved forward, flashing their IDs and were let into the small bar. Jude faked an offended look and shoved Connor playfully.

"Are you calling me old?" Jude fired, rolling his eyes.

"Nineteen is still two years younger than you are. I'm just saying you don't look seventeen," Connor explained, laughing and pushing his tongue through his teeth as he grinned.

"Yada, yada," Jude joined his boyfriend's contagious laughter. "Alright, what do you want?" Jude asked as they reached the bar, pulling out his wallet. Jude frowned, looking at Connor as the boy put his hand on Jude's wallet and moved it down.

"It's your birthday, I'm paying," Connor explained, pulling his own wallet out and looking at the bartender. "Scotch on the Rocks for me, and for him..." Connor trailed off, looking at Jude expectantly as the boy rolled his eyes and put his wallet away.

Jude looked down at the small drink menu they had before lifting his head to the bartender and saying. "A Bloody Mary," he spoke, laughing a bit at the name. Connor grinned, wrapping an arm around Jude's shoulders as the bartender got their drinks.

"Tonight is gonna be amazing!" Connor explained, squeezing his boyfriend's shoulder.

"So, is this a guys night out? Getting away from the girlfriends?" The bartender asked, sliding Connor his Scotch and finished Jude's Bloody Mary. Jude and Connor shared a look, laughing and then looking at the bartender.

"Actually, we are here, celebrating my amazing boyfriend's birthday," Connor explained, kissing Jude's cheek for emphasis. The two laughed as the bartender looked at them with a shocked expression on his face.

"Oh, uh, sorry," the man stuttered, handing Jude his drink.

"Don't worry about it, it happens all the time," Jude explained, taking his drink. Connor paid for their drinks and then they found a table near the back of the place.

When they sat down, Connor raised his drink to his boyfriend. "To the most amazing, most loving person I have eve met, whom I love with all my heart. Happy birthday, Jude Adams Foster," Connor said as Jude raised his glass as well. Connor's words, though short, made a rosy tint appear on Jude's cheeks.

"I love you, too Connor Stevens. Cheers," Jude said softly, to which Connor repeated the last word as they touched their glasses together. They raised their glasses to their lips and sipped their drinks. Connor was shocked to see Jude take a long sip of his drink before placing it down and coughing a bit.

"Woah, slow down there Jude," Connor laughed. He knew Jude wasn't the biggest fan of alcohol, but Connor guessed that he was letting it go for tonight. Deciding to stick to one drink tonight so he could drive himself and Jude home later, Connor sipped his Scotch, laughing each time Jude finished a drink and asked for another. His boyfriend clearly had a low tolerance for alcohol, has halfway through his second drink he was slurring his words.

"Connorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" Jude laughed, tugging his boyfriend's sleeve as he placed his third, and in Connor's plan, last glass down.

Connor laughed, putting down his now empty Scotch. "Yes, Jude,"

"I lo'e you!" Jude squealed, moving to sit as close to Connor as possible, hugging his arm.

"I love you, too, Jude. I think we should go now," Connor laughed, squeezing Jude's shoulder.

"That a 'ood," Burp. "'dea," Jude giggled, his good sense not gone in his drunken state. Connor helped Jude to his feet, leaving the money for Jude's last drink on the table as he helped Jude out of the bar and back toward the car. Connor helped Jude into the passenger's side and then moved to the other side, hopping in the car. "Hey, Connor," he heard Jude whisper as the drunken boy gripped his hand tightly.

Connor couldn't help but laughing at Jude's drunken state again. He was adorable. "Yes, Jude," he asked as they pulled out of the parking lot and onto the road to their shared apartment.

"You're hot!" Jude shouted, giggling and leaning against Connor's shoulder as he drove. Connor blushed. Jude was normally timid, and though his confidence had grown over the years, especially around Connor, bluntness had never been something Jude had been good with. Connor smiled, squeezing Jude's hand as he felt Jude falling asleep against his shoulder.

"You're pretty hot, too, Jude," he laughed, shaking his head as he turned into the parking lot of their apartment.

[][][][][][][]

Jude was shocked to see Connor's name appear on his cellphone screen. The two had gotten into a huge fight about two days ago and Jude had slept on Taylor's couch because he couldn't go home and face Connor. Jude didn't even know why the fight had gotten so huge. It had been a simple dispute over inviting Connor's father, Adam, to their Christmas party. Jude had thought it was a good idea, while Connor didn't want him there because of the way he had treated the two over the years. But, somehow it had turned into a gigantic fight, ending in Connor questioning if Jude even cared about their relationship. This caused Jude stormed out and goto Taylor's apartment. She had agreed to let Jude stay until the two worked it out, and the two-day radio silence from Connor's end was enough to make Jude ready to break down.

But, Jude had to say he was overjoyed when he received the call from Connor, but he was also anxious. Was Connor going to yell at him again? Or was he going to skip over everything? Jude didn't know. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and slid the answer button across the screen. He hesitantly held the phone to his ear and spoke in a hushed tone. "Connor?"

"Jude," he heard Connor's voice. It was slurred from obvious drunkenness and breaking from sobs. Jude closed his eyes, trying to contain his own tears. "I kn-know you're mad." Hiccup. "Ma' at m-me, but I need you r'ght now. Can you c'me h-home?" Another hiccup. Jude paused, feeling the anger rush from him. Something had happened. And Connor wanted him home.

"Yes," Jude breathed. "Stay there, I'll be there soon," he listened as Connor hiccupped and sob a promise, and then hung up. "Taylor, I'm going out!" he called to Taylor who was in her bedroom.

"You're a terrible liar, Jude, just call me when you're finished comforting him!" Taylor called back and Jude couldn't help but stifle a laugh. He couldn't lie to Taylor.

"Bye!" he called again, stuffing his phone in his pocket and grabbing his keys. He heard her faint dismissal as he shut the door. He ran to the elevator and pressed the lobby button. Jude took a breath as he stepped out of the elevator and onto the parking lot. He got in the car, not even bothering to buckle up as he pulled out of the parking lot and onto the road to him and Connor's apartment.

He didn't bother knocking as he pushed open the door to his apartment, the appearance of Connor catching his breath in his throat. Connor was sitting at the end of the couch, his head dipped toward his chest, a bottle of whiskey held loosely in his hand. "Connor," Jude whispered. Jude's soft voice seemed to wake Connor from a haze. Jude took a breath as Connor's head lifted and he saw the full extension of his breakdown. His hazel eyes were puffy and bloodshot. His cheeks were drained of color and tear-stained and his bottom lip was pushed out, forming a slight pout. His sandy hair was a mess. He looked like hell.

"Jude," Connor squeaked out. Jude rushed to his side, taking the bottle of whiskey from Connor's hand and putting it on the end table. He pulled Connor against him, and the boy started sobbing again. Connor curled against Jude's chest, crying into his shoulder.

"Shhhhh. Connor, Connor what happened?" Jude asked, keeping his voice quiet as he moved his hand up and down Connor's back, hugging him tightly.

"Mom," Connor hiccupped out, griping at Jude's shirt, holding onto him for dear life. With that one word Jude understood. Connor's mother had been battling cancer for the past few months now, and she had only been getting worse. She must have died earlier that day and Connor had gotten the call. With that, and the fight the two had looming over Connor, it must have triggered this breakdown and his instinct to go to alcohol.

"It's okay, it's okay, I'm right here," Jude whispered, kissing Connor's head. "Come on, let's get you to bed."

Jude pulled Connor to his feet, throwing the boy's arm over his own shoulders and helping him to his room. Jude let Connor sit down on the bed and ruffled through his drawers, grabbing him some pajamas. "Get changed, I'll be back in a minute," Jude told Connor, who nodded. Jude walked out of the room and through out the bottle of liquor. He then grabbed some water and Advil for when Connor woke up. When he got back, he saw Connor had changed and was laying in his bed, curled against himself. Jude placed the glass of water and the Advil on Connor's nightstand and then pulled the blanket over him. He leaned forward and kissed Connor's forehead, whispering. "I'll be in the other room if you need me."

Jude turned around and started walking toward the door when he felt Connor's hand grip his wrist. "Jude," the broken boy whispered, sounding defeated. Jude took a breath and then turned back toward Connor.

"Yes?" Jude asked, feeling like he wanted to cry, seeing Connor like this.

"Stay with me, please," Connor spoke softly.

Jude hesitated, then spoke. "Okay, but I'm gonna go change into something more comfortable, okay?" Connor just nodded. Jude made his way out of the room and into the room that he had hardly ever used before they had fought. He changed into sweatpants and a tee-shirt, then walked into Connor's bedroom. Jude moved under the blanket, feeling Connor instantly moved into him, curling his body against Jude.

Jude sighed, hugging Connor tightly. He then heard Connor speak.

"Jude?"

"Yes, Connor?"

"I'm sorry. My Dad can come for Christmas," and with that Connor fell into sleep. Jude felt himself smile. All was forgiven.

[][][][][][][]

Jude giggled as he held to Connor's waist as they walked into the bar. Connor had his arm wrapped around Jude's shoulders, holding him close. They wouldn't let the other let go for a second.

"Hello, happy couple, what's this about?" the bartender asked, a grin on her face as she saw the two approach her. They kept themselves clued together and laughed as the other would speak to them in a low voice. She could tell the two were giddy and happy, and curiosity took over her voice.

"We just got engaged!" Jude exclaimed, holding up his left hand where the golden ring was wrapped around his finger. The two had gone out for a dinner date and then gone to the dock to look out at the water. It was then when Connor had taken Jude's hand and asked to marry him, which Jude had gladly excepted. They had stayed on the dock for a while before deciding to go to their favorite bar to celebrate over drinks.

"Oh, well, congratulations!" she told them, smiling. She had been the bartender for a while there so she knew their usual's, which she quickly made, sliding them to the giddy couple as they talked. They were already drunk off each other, in a cloud nine haze. She wasn't sure they would need the drinks much, but she took Jude's money anyway.

"Thank you," Connor told her, taking his and Jude's drinks and leading Jude to their usual seat as Jude clung to his arm. Jude took his drink from Connor and raised his glass.

"To us," he whispered, brown eyes shining with happiness and love.

"To us," Connor agreed, clinking his glass with Jude's. The two held each other's gazes for a moment. They had both agreed earlier they would drink as much as they liked, getting a cab after they were done, the deal still fresh in their minds as they tilted their glasses against their lips and took long sips.

"I love you, Connor," Jude told him, leaning into his fiancé. Jude twirled the ring around his finger, feeling his happiness grow as he stared at it. He was marrying Connor. His best friend. His boyfriend. His fiancé. The boy who had protected him against bullies. The boy who could cheer him up when he was down. The boy who was always there. And he loved him. More than he could ever put into words.

"I love you, Jude," Connor told him, kissing his cheek. He was going to marry the beautiful dark-haired boy who had stolen his heart the day he walked into Anchor Beach. Everyday since he had stolen more of it. They day he wore nail polish. Their first kiss. The day he got shot. The day they became an official couple. And everyday after. The boys hailed the waitress as they had finished their first drinks.

The night wore on and they drank, celebrating. They were madly in love as they had been since they were thirteen. Their relationship had lasted ten years, and they hoped it would last longer. Forever. Eternally. As it got later, and the boys got drunker, their toasts got sillier, but sweeter.

"To your beautiful hazel eyes," Jude had once suggested, staring at the same ones.

To which Connor toasted. "To your sexy smile," which made it appear on Jude's lips.

"To your lovely laugh," earning one from Connor.

"And to your ensnaring kiss," Connor finally spoke, as they finished their last drinks.

"Ensnaring kiss, eh?" Jude smirked, raising his eyebrows at his fiancé.

"Extremely," Connor drunkenly slurred as they placed their glasses down.

"Like this?" Jude flirted, gripping Connor's collar and pulling the boy against himself and pressing his lips lustfully to Connor's.

"Mhm," Connor mumbled against his fiancé's lips. Jude moved his hands up into Connor's hair and tugging at it. Connor pulled Jude against him, his hands finding their way to Jude's hips. Jude ran his tongue against Connor's lips, grinning as Connor parted his lips. Their kiss soon deepened as soon their tongues were battling as they moved in sync. Connor nipped gently at Jude's bottom lip, grinning against his fiancé's lips. They pulled each other impossibly closer, their hearts beating against their chests. They pulled back for breath, breaking from their drunken haze for a minute.

"Cab?" Jude offered as Connor leaned forward, pressing a kiss to Jude's jaw. Jude closed his eyes, leaning back slightly, fighting a moan inside the bar.

"Hell yes," Connor mumbled. Connor placed the money down for their last drinks. The two stood from their booth, unable to keep their hands off each other as they hailed a cab. They would get their car in the morning. They sat in the back of the cab, attempting to keep themselves from enlisting too much PDA on the cab driver as they told him the location of their apartment.

They finally made it to the apartment, and the two made their way to their bedroom, relishing each other's kisses. They shut the door to their room though they knew no one would be coming in. Their lips connected again as they backed up toward the bed. They each shedded their jackets, falling back on the bed, Connor on top of Jude. He pulled back a bit, moving his lips down Jude's neck as Jude worked on unbuttoning his shirt. Jude let out a small moan as he pulled away Connor's shirt. Connor pulled back, pulling Jude's shirt over his head. Their lips connected again. The two rolled over, loving their closeness, loving each other.

Drunk. They were drunk off each other, their happiness and their promise to wed. The liquor was just an added bonus to the love they felt as they kissed, loosing their clothing as they went. Nothing could replace that. Fiancé. They could get use to that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, that took a while to type. So, I hope you guys liked this! Please send your requests!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own the Fosters or anything recognizable.
> 
> -HJ


	4. What Happened In The Tent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I took all the explanations from the show and came up with my version of what happened in the tent!

"Ah!" Jude laughed, leaning away from Connor as the other boy moved his marshmallow away from the fire and onto his s'more. He was getting it problematically close to Jude's jacket.

"What, you don't want marshmallow all over your jacket?" Connor teased, moving his marshmallow stick closer to Jude.

"Connor, I swear," Jude threatened, moving back, lifting his arm away from the sticky, sugary blob.

"What are you gonna do?" Connor pressed, lifting the stick slightly. Jude shook his head at his friend, then bent quickly, biting the marshmallow. Jude sat up straight, laughing as Connor looked at him, frowning.

"Now, finish it, or I'll put it in your hair!" Jude threatened. Connor rolled his eyes and put the half-eaten marshmallow back on the s'more, not caring that Jude took a bite.

"Okay! Everyone finish your s'mores and then head to your tents! We'll be around to check in a few minutes!" Lena called to all the seventh graders.

"Hurry it up, Stevens!" Jude teased, rushing his friend to finish the s'more he was shoving in his mouth. Jude burst into laughter at the sight of Connor with half a s'more hanging out of his mouth, attempting to eat it. "Oh, god, you're gonna choke!" Jude told him, covering his mouth as Connor quickly chomped down the s'more, speaking through the last bit.

"Alright," he swallowed. "Let's go!" he threw down the stick and stood up, hopping on the log and leaping over it. Jude followed him, laughing and stepping over the log. The two walked to their tent, talking of the kids at the campfire and their odd stories and s'more eating contests.

"He looked like he was doing Chubby Bunny with s'mores!" Connor commented.

Jude nodded in agreement, laughing. "He had like four in his mouth at once, I can't even figure out how he did that!" he spoke, unzipping the tent and walking in, Connor following behind him. Connor closed the tent behind him and the two moved around the tent, getting ready for lights out. Even though they would stay up talking all night, like they had the previous ones.

"You done?" Jude asked, sitting down on his sleeping bag. He watched Connor nod, the light from the lantern lighting his features. Jude took a small breath, watching Connor for a second, them turning out the light and moving underneath his sleeping bag. He listened to Connor shuffle around before slipping into his as well.

Jude turned away, closing his eyes for a moment. Jude knew he was really starting to like Connor. But, he also knew that Connor's dad was already strict about their friendship for thinking Jude was gay, so the boy would never admit it. He heard the sound of the tent opening, and opened his eyes again, seeing the light shine in.

"Goodnight, boys," Lena whispered.

"Goodnight," Jude and Connor spoke back in sync. The two waited for the tent to close and till they heard Lena's footsteps leave, before turning toward each other and sitting up.

"Hey, you wanna play a game?" Connor asked, turning toward his backpack and pulling out his phone. Jude nodded, smiling at his friend and watching Connor tap on his screen. Jude watched Connor's face come into view from the dim light of the phone screen. Connor's eyes were narrowed in concentration as he tapped his fingers against the screen. His hair was flat against his head, his mouth was slightly open and his tongue was sticking slightly through his teeth. He was so... cute. Jude shook the thought away. He couldn't think of Connor like that.

"Truth or Dare?" Connor asked, looking up from his phone and meeting Jude's eyes.

"Sure," Jude decided. He smiled as Connor grinned and opened the app. Connor looked up at Jude.

"Truth or dare?" He asked.

"Truth," Jude instantly decided. What was the point in doing a dare when they couldn't really do much without waking anyone up. Connor tapped on the truth button and then looked up grinning.

"Does Jude have a crush?" he asked, stretching out the last word and laughing a bit. Jude's face heated up and he looked away.

"Yeah," he answered softly, avoiding looking at Connor's eyes. He heard Connor laugh and felt a tap on his knee. He looked over at Connor who still had the grin plastered on his face.

"It's alright, Jude, I won't pressure it out of you. You tell me when you want to," Connor told him, shrugging. Jude smiled and nodded. "Okay, your turn," Connor spoke, handing the phone to Jude.

Jude tapped his finger against the screen. "Truth or d-"

"Dare."

Jude clicked dare and looked up, repeating the words, laughing. "Touch your nose with your tongue, if you can't you have to touch another player's - mine - nose with your tongue," he explained, laughing as Connor nodded.

"I must complete the challenge," he said. Connor stuck his tongue out of his mouth and turned it upward, crossing his eyes to look at his tongue. He attempted to bring his tongue further out of his mouth and touch his nose, but his tongue seemed to be too short. Jude laughed as he watched his friend struggle. "Ugh, I give up, Stay still," he told Jude. Jude laughed and made himself stay as still as possible. Connor leaned forward, so they were inches apart. He lifted his head so his mouth was level with Jude's nose then stuck his tongue out and touched the tip to Jude's nose.

"Ew!" Jude squeaked as Connor moved away, laughing. Jude lifted his arm and rubbed his nose on the sleeve, trying to get rid of Connor's spit on it. Connor was still laughing, trying to keep himself composed and quiet. He reached forward and grabbed the phone from Jude's lap and tapped his finger against it.

"Truth or dare?" Connor questioned, giving Jude a dramatic look.

"Hmm," Jude paused. "Dare," he decided finally. Connor grinned and pressed the button.

Connor paused, rolling his eyes and picking another dare. "Why do most of these need like three people," Connor mumbled, then settled on one. He laughed, then looked up. "For the rest of the night, start all your sentences with 'All hail Queen Nefertiti,'" Connor told him, laughing still.

"Dammit," Jude mumbled.

"Ah, ah, ah," Connor corrected him.

Jude rolled his eyes and sighed. "All hail Queen Nefertiti, dammit," Jude said, laughing at his own speech.

"Oh, this is gonna be fun," Connor laughed, then gave the phone to Jude.

"All hail Queen Nefertiti, truth or dare?" Jude asked, glaring at Connor, who's laughter was subsiding.

"Truth," Connor answered.

Jude tapped the screen and read the truth off the screen. "All hail Queen Nefertiti, have you ever lied to your best friend?" Jude asked, looking at Connor, raising his eyebrows. He was interested in the answering, knowing that he, himself, was Connor's best friend.

Connor answered immediately. "Yes, and you know when that was," Connor spoke, looking down. Jude frowned. He knew Connor felt guilty about lying to him at the party about standing up to his dad.

"All hail Queen Nefertiti, yeah," Jude informed, looking down. He handed Connor his phone back.

"Jude, I'm really sorry," Connor told him, looking at Jude with wide eyes.

"All hail Queen Nefertiti, I know you are," Jude answered. "And I said it was okay."

"You can stop saying it. And it's not okay," Connor decided, moving closer to Jude so their knees were touching.

"Yes, it is," Jude fired back.

"No, it's not. I should have stood up to my dad! I should have told him that I don't care if you're gay. I shouldn't have let him come between us. And, I shouldn't have tried to play the pity card, about how I don't have a say in anything. I'm really sorry, Jude. You're my best friend and I should have done so-"

"Connor, it's fine," Jude cut him off, placing his hand on Connor's arm. "I forgave you already. I just didn't tell you 'cause, I was kinda silent, you know," Jude explained. "I know you're sorry. I know you feel bad, but it was just a bump in the road. We're best friends, and nothing is gonna change that," Jude finished. Connor smiled, looking at Jude's hand on his arm.

"Jude..." Connor whispered.

"Yeah?" Jude asked, dropping his hand.

" _Nothing_  will change it, right?" Connor asked, looking up at Jude. Jude nodded, not sure where he was going.

"Nothing," Jude confirmed.

"Okay... okay, good... because," Connor paused, fidgeting with his fingers. He was nervous. Jude had picked up on the small things Connor did when he was nervous, and Connor always fidgeted when he was nervous. Connor met Jude's eyes then finished. "Because, I have to do something, and I don't want it to ruin anything," Connor told Jude.

Jude's heart picked up speed. What was Connor getting at? He gulped and then looked at Connor. "It won't. Whatever it is, we can g-" Jude's eyes widened as Connor leaned forward and pressed his lips to Jude's. It wasn't Jude's first kiss, he had kissed Maddie during their game of Spin the Bottle at the party. But, this was different. It took Jude a moment to register before he kissed Connor back. He couldn't help the smile that spread across his face as he kissed Connor. He had wanted to do this since the day at the party. And now he was finally doing it. And  _Connor_  had initiated it, and it wasn't for a game. He felt Connor's hands on his waist and Jude hesitantly placed his hands on Connor's shoulders.

The two pulled apart briefly, both of their breaths shallow. They locked eyes and suddenly Connor's lips were against Jude's again. Jude leaned back, feeling Connor leaning closer. Finally, they ended up laying against Jude's sleeping bag, Connor hovering over Jude, hands gripping his waist tightly, and Jude's hands running through Connor's hair.

_I'm making out with Connor Stevens._  Jude thought, feeling Connor's own smile against his lips. Their kisses were soft and long, gentle and hesitant, but hopeful. The kissing lasted a few minutes before Connor frantically pulled back. His eyes widened to what seemed like tennis balls as he pushed himself off Jude and onto his sleeping bag.

"Connor? Are y-"

"We cannot tell anyone about this!" Connor declared, panic clear in his voice. Jude faltered, sitting up.

He felt like a weight was being pressed on his chest. Why did Connor kiss him if he didn't like Jude? Jude took a breath, then looked away. "Yeah, sure. Let's just go to bed," Jude agreed. He got into his sleeping bag and turned away from Connor.

"Jude," Connor started, frowning as he realized what he said must have hurt is friend.

"It's fine Connor, whatever," Jude said. He heard Connor sigh, shuffle around into his sleeping back, then fall silent. Jude closed his eyes tightly, taking a deep breath. What had just happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and simple. Damn, I've wanted to write this for a while. Okay! Hope you guys liked it.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own The Fosters, or anything you recognize.
> 
> -HJ


	5. Undefined

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I got inspiration from the gifset with different definitions.

_Define._

_Verb._

_To state or set forth the meaning of a word, phrase, etc._

Definitions were always something Jude used. Whether it be for words, relationships, or anything else. Everything had meaning. A reason. A definition. There was nothing that didn't have a meaning and nothing done carelessly. That's how Jude's life worked. He needed to know where he was, what things meant, and what was going on. Be it because he just liked to know things, or because it was the only sense of stability he had, he needed definitions for everything.

_Stability._

_Noun._

_The state or quality of being stable._

That was something Jude had never had. His life was like he was on a boat. Rocking, moving, never being flat or calm or safe. That's the thing about being a foster kid. You never know where your life it going. The only thing Jude knew for sure was that he had his sister, and he had his definitions. That is until he came to the Adams Fosters. They were okay there. They were stable. They were safe.

But, still Jude clung to definitions.

"Am I your brother or your foster brother?" Jude would ask any of his siblings pre-adoption.

"Is this our family?" He would ask Callie.

"Am I your friend or more?" He had been forced to ask Connor.

 _Connor._ The one thing in his life that seemed to remain inconsistent. Their relationship was constantly changing. When they first met it was classmates.

_Classmate._

_Noun._

_A member of the same class at school or college._

A short and brief meeting during math. Connor was pretty nice and pretty cool. But they were just classmates. That was the only reason they talked. Nothing more, nothing less.

This period in their relationship was extremely short, only lasting a few weeks. They helped each other understand different things, Connor mostly helping Jude. They told each other what they did over the weekend. Sometimes they sat together at lunch. But, their relationship shifted after the nail polish incident.

_Friendship._

_Noun._

_A friendly relation or intimacy._

"So, are we friends now?"

"Of course! Why wouldn't we be?"

"I'm just making sure," Jude had smiled.

Connor had laughed and shrugged it off. But, as the two became closer, Connor noticed Jude's habit.

"What does that mean?"

"Why is he looking at her like that?"

"What do you think I am to them?"

Pretty soon, Connor had figured out almost everything about Jude. Almost.

"Why does everything always have to have a meaning to you?" Connor asked suddenly one night when they were hanging out at Jude's house. It was just a few days after Jude's adoption.

Jude's eyes cast downward, and he bit his inner cheek. "I don't know." He had answered honestly.

Connor furrowed his eyebrows and frowned. "You don't?"

"Callie always said it was because definitions are always true and solid and stable, and that's what we needed." Jude offered, shrugging.

"Oh." Connor mumbled, casting his own eyes downward. He then looked up, grinning. "I can be something stable for you!"

But, he wasn't. Connor seemed to be undefinable. Jude was starting to like Connor as more than a friend.

_Crush._

_Noun._

_The object of such an infatuation._

That was what Jude called Connor in his head. Connor was his crush. But, things got complicated when Connor's dad stepped it. It strained their friendship. Jude almost thought he was ready to put the definition 'classmate' back on Connor. But, then the school camping trip happened, and they were friends once more.

Or so Jude thought.

It was the last night of the school camping trip and Connor had kissed Jude.

"But, Connor what-"

"Jude, please, we can't talk about this.  _Ever._ " Jude had agreed, but reluctantly so. He kept the definition of 'crush' on Connor. But he just wasn't sure anymore.

The definition stuck, even when Connor distanced himself. It grew stronger when Connor touched his pinky in the movie theater, and more so when Connor tackled him in the backyard. But, when Connor decided he might go to Daria's, Jude had to find out. What were they? He had tried to question Connor, which only led to Connor kissing him again.

The mystery stayed that way through the sneaking out, the shooting, and when he confronted Adam. When he talked to Connor in the hospital room, it was finally defined.

_Boyfriend._

_Noun._

_A male lover._

Connor was his boyfriend. Finally, it seemed constant. They held hands, they kissed, they talked. Things were bumpy, but Jude's definition of Connor never wavered.

He didn't stop calling Connor  _boyfriend_ when he had freaked out on the beach. Or when Adam had spoken his disapproval of them being out. Or when Connor had freaked out at the shooting range. Not even when Connor was upset that Jude didn't want a label. And definitely not when he felt his entire world was collapsing because of a single argument he had heard between Brandon and his mothers.

"He's my boyfriend." Jude had confidently told Callie the night they had made it official.

"Does that mean you don't want to be my boyfriend?" "No!" Jude had reassured Connor.

"Yeah, Connor's my boyfriend." Jude had answered Donald's question after his father had posed the question after the Father's Day dinner.

"How's your boyfriend doing? What was his name? Cameron? Or Caleb?" "Connor. And he's good." Jude had explained to Grams after the LGBT prom.

He had always used the definition confidently. Connor was his boyfriend. And, it's not like the definition had changed, because Connor was still his boyfriend. But, after Connor had come to visit Jude after his meltdown in math, there was another one that needed to be added. But Jude wasn't excited about it being there.

_Love._

_Verb._

_Undefinable._

Jude loves Connor. But, sadly, love couldn't be defined. It wasn't meant to be. So, Jude was terrified of voicing the words. But, he knew it deep inside him when him and Connor had been caught. When Connor had told him he was moving to LA. When Connor told him  _why_ he was going to LA. When they danced at Grams and Gramp's anniversary. When Adam told him Connor chose to go. And when Callie was talking at her adoption. He knew it.

And after Callie's speech, he knew he had to say it. Connor needed to hear it. And Connor needed to live with his mother.

"Because... I love you." Jude finished, taking a shaky breath and awaiting Connor's response. Connor smiled softly.

"I love you, too," he answered only a brief second after Jude spoke. Jude smiled, a short laugh escaping his mouth.

"And hey! LA isn't that far, right? I mean... there are trains," Jude offered, frowning as he looked at Connor. He moved forward and wrapped his arms tightly around Connor, feeling Connor do the same.

Yeah, Jude loves Connor. And maybe love was undefinable. But, maybe that wasn't such a bad thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short, but very sweet.
> 
> Alright, hope you liked it! Ask me shit and follow me on Tumblr at jonnorlandfill.
> 
> I don't own The Fosters or anything you recognize.
> 
> -HJ


	6. Study Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I gave in. The missing make-out scene.

"Jude, I have a serious question."

"Connor, unless it has something to do with the work, I am not interested."

"Well, that's just untrue."

"Okay, it is, but still, I'm trying to work so we can do anything else later."

"It does have to do with the work."

"Okay, what?"

"How does learning how to figure out formulas help us in life?"

Jude looked up at his boyfriend, eyes narrowed. He opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it, furrowing his eyebrows. He dropped his eyes, then looked at Connor. "I don't know, but it'll help us pass summer school so we get into eighth grade, so I'm gonna do this. And, I'm guessing you're just gonna sit there and look pretty?" Jude asked, smirking. Connor rolled his eyes and threw his pencil on his textbook and let his arm fall, so he was now laying sideways, facing Jude, his head on his pillow.

"You know I suck at homework," Connor defended, watching Jude from his position. Jude sat in the wheely chair behind Connor's desk, facing toward Connor's bed, the textbook and worksheets on his lap. His held his pencil between middle and index finger, shaking it by moving his fingers back and forth. His eyes concentrated on the book, but his attention was anywhere but.

"You suck at work in general. And stop staring at me!" Jude exclaimed, looking up and laughing at his boyfriend, who's eyes were locked on Jude's face.

"But, whyyyyyyyyy?" Connor asked, smirking and sitting up, sitting with his legs crossed and facing Jude.

"Because you're distracting me, and I'm never gonna get this work done," Jude explained, smiling softly at Connor's utter neediness.

"Can't we-" Connor paused as Jude looked at him, an eyebrow raised and his head tilted. "Can't  _you_ take a break?" Connor pleaded, pouting at Jude. Jude groaned at Connor's puppy dog look, but then a grin spread across his face.

"Connor, if I  _don't_ take a break, we'll have more time later," Jude explained. His grin grew as Connor sat up straighter, his eyes widened and his eyebrows raised a small smirk on his face.

"For what?" he asked. Jude let out a small laugh and turned the chair so it was facing the door. He placed his textbook, papers, and pencil on the desk, then stood up, nudging the door closed as he did so. He turned back toward Connor, a smirk on his face. Jude made his way across the room and sat down next to Connor, his knees bent and his legs laying behind him. His weight rested on his hand that was placed on the other side of Connor, brushing the other boy's back. His face was inches from Connor's, their noses touching. His eyes locked on Connor's and he smiled at Connor's sharp intake of breath. Connor was shocked by Jude's confidence.

"For this," Jude whispered, tilting his head and then leaning forward, connecting his lips softly with Connor's. Connor lifted one arm, wrapping it around Jude's waist and then bringing the other to rest against Jude's cheek, his fingers running over the small parts of Jude's hair he could touch. Jude lifted the hand that he wasn't resting on and moved it around Connor's neck, tangling his fingers in Connor's hair. Jude giggled and smiled against Connor's lips. They moved in sync, pushing their lips together, then lessening the pressure. Jude pulled back after a few moments. He lifted his eyes from Connor's lips, meeting the beautiful hazel eyes of his boyfriend. They were both taking shaky breaths.

"I'd love that..." Connor muttered out, his voice deeper and less steady than it had been before. Jude nodded slowly. But, neither of them moved away. They brushed their noses against each other, smiles grazing their faces. Jude's eyes were closed lightly.

"Maybe I should-" Jude stopped as he heard the tiniest whimper escape from Connor. He opened his eyes, seeing Connor looking at him longingly.

"Please." Connor whispered. Jude smiled, then nodded. Connor grinned, then leaned forward, his lips connecting with Jude's again. They pulled back after a few seconds, smiles crossing their faces. Connor let out a small laugh and then kissed Jude again. Their lips stayed connected, silence settling over the room besides the sounds of their lips moving against each other, their shallow breaths when they pulled apart, and their clothes scratching together from their closeness.

In a moment of instinct, Jude lifted the hand he was resting on, and wrapped his arm around Connor's waist, holding onto him tightly so he wouldn't fall over on his boyfriend. Connor giggled against Jude's lips and tightened his own grip on Jude's waist. He turned their bodies, pulling Jude over his crossed legs so the other boy was laying back against the bed, his knees bent so they weren't crushing Connor's legs. Connor's text book fell to the ground as Jude moved, pushing it over the side. But, it was long forgotten. Jude giggled, knowing Connor was uncomfortable having to scrunch over his legs and lean to the right. He pulled back from his boyfriend's lips.

"Wanna get more comfortable?" He mumbled, his eyes still closed, brushing his nose on Connor's cheek.

"Definitely," Connor mumbled, earning another laugh from Jude. Connor kept his arms around Jude and moved his legs carefully from underneath Jude and then plopped himself on the other side of the bed. The two laughed as Connor positioned himself, lifting Jude accidentally in his attempt to stay close to his boyfriend, and get comfortable. "Sorry," Connor mumbled. The two now lay, facing each other, their bodies pressed close together. Jude's arm was slung around Connor's neck, and his other wrapped around his waist. Connor's arms were wrapped in the same position around Jude, only his arms were opposite Jude's position, and his hand rest against Jude's cheek.

"Just kiss me," Jude whispered, leaning his head closer and grinning as Connor nodded and pressed another kiss to Jude's lips. They continued like that for a few moments. Slow, sweet, closed-mouth kisses, their arms grasping at each other like a life line. This wasn't anything new to them. It was like what happened in the tent and a few times since. But, then Jude took a bold move. He parted his lips, only a bit, but the action hadn't gone unnoticed. Connor didn't flinch, didn't pull away. He knit his eyebrows together, parting his own lips against Jude's. And another bold move from Connor's end. Connor nipped gently on Jude's bottom lip, hearing Jude gasp in surprise.

Connor pulled back, resting his forehead against Jude's.

"You okay?" he asked. He wasn't doubting himself, but Connor knew the difference between being scared and asking if it was okay. (A/N: Yes, mini-lesson in consent. *sunglasses slide over my face* Deal with it.)

Jude looked at him, grinning and nodded. "Yes," he whispered. Connor smiled and nodded. Jude leaned forward and they were back at it, but this time the kisses were deeper, and not as innocent. After a moment, Connor pulled back, his eyes focusing down at Jude's torso. He fidgeted with the hem of Jude's shirt. "You know, I will never understand how you wear these long sleeved shirts in summer. In San Diego, nonetheless," Connor whispered, hesitating before looking up and meeting Jude's eyes. Connor's own flickered back and forth, searching. Jude smirked, moving his arm from around Connor's neck and rested it on his shoulder.

"Maybe I shouldn't," Jude whispered back, looking back at Connor. Jude pulled his bottom lip between his teeth before removing his arms from Connor and sitting up. He looked at Connor, who dropped his arms from Jude, then used his elbows to support his weight. Jude pulled his shirt over his head, revealing his bare, pale torso. Connor's breath caught in his throat as he watched Jude turn back toward Connor, discarding his shirt to the floor. Connor's hazel eyes raked over Jude's torso, and he bit the inside of his cheek, his mouth hanging open a small bit. He lifted his eyes to meet Jude's and then grabbed the boy's waist, pulling Jude on top of him. He pressed his lips back on Jude's, feeling Jude's worry and hesitation melt away and confidence replace it.

Jude moved his thin arms down Connor's waist and tugged at the end of Connor's shirt. The boy smirked and pulled back from Jude, pulling his own shirt over his head and throwing it to the side. Their lips connected again and Jude found himself running his hands down Connor's toned chest, feeling the indents and curves that came from the muscles Connor had formed. Connor, though, found himself fascinated with Jude's scrawny torso. He moved his hands up and down Jude's back, his heart racketing against his rib cage, feeling Jude's do the same, as their chests were pressed together.

Connor placed his hand on the small of Jude's back and pulled him impossibly closer and- nothing. The spell was broken by the door to Connor's bedroom being thrown open and Connor's father stepping in. Adam's eyes widened as he watched the boys leap apart and scrabble to grab their shirts. Jude's face was an impossible shade of red as he picked up Connor's shirt and groaned, switching the fabric with the one Connor was holding. Connor's cheeks were red, but worry was written on his face.

Adam watched the boys scramble, muttering starts of sentences and stuttering. Finally, as Jude managed to throw his shirt over his head, Adam blinked himself into reality. He cleared his throat. "Jude, I think it's time for me to take you home," Adam spoke, face turning stern. Connor pulled his own shirt over his head, his eyes widening as he heard his father speak. Jude nodded and rushed to grab his papers and book, stuffing them in his backpack and pulling the zipper closed.

"But, Dad-" Connor started, glancing at Jude with worry.

"We'll talk later, son," Adam said. Jude might not have been able to detect it, for it was well hidden, but Connor picked up the anger in his voice. Jude threw his backpack over his shoulder, looking at Connor apologetically.

"I'll text you later," Jude mumbled, moving passed Adam and down the stairs. Adam opened his mouth, prepared to say something, before looking back at Connor with a simple shake of his head before walking out and shutting the bedroom door with a slam.

"Dammit." Connor whispered. He was in for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ending is different from what I put in Warpaint, but hey, both have the possibility of having happened and we'll never find out. *looks dramatically into the distance*.
> 
> Anyway, follow me and ask me shit on Tumblr at jonnorlandfill. Send in requests in starters.
> 
> I don't own The Fosters or anything you recognize.
> 
> -HJ


	7. Broken Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A small drabble on when Jude broke his silence.

Connor pushed his locker shut, then linked his thumb beneath his backpack strap. He turned around and walked toward Jude who stood by his locker.

"Hey," Connor greeted quietly, keeping his eyes on Jude. He refrained from sighing as Jude smiled at him and nodded. Jude's silence had started only two weeks before, but it felt like it had been an eternity since he'd heard Jude's soft voice, and he just  _missed_ it. It wasn't his fault, is what Lena had told him, but that didn't make him feel any less guilty for what he'd done. He'd hurt Jude. He should have just stood up to his dad. But, how could he? If his dad was reacting so poorly under just the assumption that Jude was gay, how could he stand up to his dad, knowing in the back of his mind, he had feelings for Jude? Yes, Connor liked Jude. He couldn't continue to deny it, especially after he had been so jealous when Maddie had asked Jude out. But he couldn't voice it. He was a coward, he admitted. But, when Jude went silent, he swore to himself he wouldn't be when it came to Jude. He had somehow managed to tell his dad he was going to keep hanging out with Jude, and he defended Jude whenever anyone tried to hurt him. But Jude was still  _silent._ His talk with Lena the other day had only calmed him a little.

Connor blinked as he heard the snap on fingers moving together and his brain focused on the hand in front of his face. Connor blinked, focusing on Jude's face. Jude had raised eyebrows and he let his hand fall from near Connor's face. Connor understood what Jude was saying through his features, he understood Jude completely. 'Hello? Are we going to class or what?'

"Uh, yeah, sorry... Just got lost in thought I guess," Connor explained, forcing a warm smile on his face. Jude smirked, shaking his head. Jude then jerked his head toward the hall. 'Come on.' Connor nodded and followed Jude down the hall, then started talking about the newest video game to come out. He knew Jude was happy when Connor acted like he hadn't gone silent.

"Uh, hey," Connor paused, biting his lip and holding onto Jude's elbow as they got near the classroom. "What happened? Yesterday, I mean. You were there in math, but then in science you weren't," Connor questioned when Jude looked at him with a curious expression. He watched Jude's features darken, and he regretted his decision to question Jude. "Never mind, you don't have to answer," Connor rushed, biting his lip and turning and trying to get away. His thoughts were racing. He'd gone too far again. But he froze when he felt Jude forcefully grab his elbow and pull him back. Connor stumbled, ending up closer to Jude than he was before. His eyes widened a tiny bit as he looked down at the smaller boy. One, when did Jude get that strong? And, two, why wasn't he moving away from their close proximity? Connor knew exactly why he wasn't moving, but he wasn't going to voice it.

Jude looked at him, then pointed toward the clock on the wall. Connor furrowed his eyebrows, then looked back at Jude. Jude sighed, rolling his eyes. The smaller boy turned and then unzipped his backpack, pulling out a brown paper lunch bag, then pointed to it with his other hand.

"Lunch? You're gonna tell me at lunch?" Connor asked, biting his lip, hoping he'd gotten it right. Jude nodded furiously and then put the bag back in his backpack and pointed toward the classroom. Connor nodded, gulping and finally stepping back from Jude and walking into the math room. Lunch couldn't get there fast enough.

When Connor heard the bell ring after English, he was out of his seat and racing toward the lunch room. He ran so fast, he had only just slung his backpack over his shoulder when he reached the entrance. He got in the lunch line and bought his lunch, then scanned the area, looking for Jude. He spotted his friend in the corner of the lunch room, eating all by himself. Connor made his way over to Jude and look the seat beside his friend. He placed the tray on the table and his bag on the floor. He saw Jude give him a half smile. He then looked at Jude and tilted his head. Jude didn't have a notebook. Whenever Jude hadn't been able to say something with gestures, he always brought a notebook with him. Connor knew he wasn't going to be able to guess what had happened the other day.

"How are you going to tell me what happened without your notebook?" Connor asked, taking a bite of his sandwich.

"Well, I thought my voice would work pretty well."

Connor chocked, coughing as his half-chewed bite of turkey sub flew toward his throat as he gasped. Jude's eyes went wide, his jaw dropping open. Connor coughed up the food, spitting it back onto his napkin. "Oh my god," Connor mumbled, rubbing his throat. He then glared at Jude who had started laughing when he realized Connor wasn't in danger. "Was it your plan to kill me? You just  _had_ to use your first words to me in two weeks while I was eating?" Connor fired, rolling his eyes and folding up his napkin and tossing it in the trashcan beside them.

Jude half-smirked, half-smiled, laughing. "I could stop if you want," Jude offered.

"No!" Connor shouted, his eyes going wide. He put his hand on Jude's shoulder. "Don't, please, go, tell me," Connor demanded, dropping his hand looking at Jude. He listened closely as Jude began to explain what happened. It was sad, hearing that Vice Principal Adams Foster had lost the baby, but Connor couldn't help the ghost of a smile that was on his face the entire time Jude spoke, glad to finally hear his friend's voice.

Connor knew that now that Jude was talking again, the two had a lot to work out, but all Connor cared about now was hearing Jude's soft, kind voice share a sad story, and then joke with Connor till the end of lunch bell rang.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea why this idea only just came to me.
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr at jonnorlandfill.
> 
> I don't own The Fosters or anything you may recognize.
> 
> -HJ


	8. Connor's Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As mentioned in the Author's Note of Chapter 8 of Warpaint (Day 6: Remember When), here is the extended version of Connor's memory. It is also technically just an extended version of the Jonnor in More Than Words (3x04), so you could read it without having read Warpaint. Though I encourage you to read Warpaint. (Self-promo, why not?).

"Why hello, Connor!" Stef greeted as she pulled open the door.

"Hi, Stef!" Connor grinned.

"Jude is upstairs, but knock first, he might be changing," Stef explained, smiling as the boy stepped forward into the place he felt most welcome.

"Alright!" he smiled, then stepped past Stef and jogged up the stairs. He paused at the door to Jude and AJ's room, then tapped his knuckles against the door.

"Come in!" he heard Jude's voice come from the inside of the room. Connor pushed open the door, his breath catching in his throat as he saw Jude. The other boy turned around, smiling as he saw Connor. Jude looked... amazing. His tux was a little loose on him, but it made him look so much older somehow. Jude's smile always lite up the room and seeing it paired with the suit he was wearing made Connor realized just how lucky he was to have Jude.

"Hey!" Jude greeted, furrowing his eyebrows as he looked Connor up and down. After the brief moment Connor had taken to admire Jude, he stepped further into the room, pushing the door so it wasn't as far open. "Is that what you're wearing? I know Cole said it was creative black tie, but-"

"No," Connor interrupted. "I didn't want to tell my dad where I was going, so I brought some stuff," he explained, placing his backpack on Jude's bed. He griped the bag he held in his hand. Jude nodded, glancing away at the mention of Connor's father. Connor's grin returned to his face, raking his eyes up and down Jude again. "You look great," Connor complimented, watching Jude's own grin appear on his face.

"Thanks. It's Jesus'. AJ picked it out," Jude explained, breathing out a little heavier, a hint of a laugh on his face. Connor nodded, not able to keep his eyes off Jude. He doubted Jesus looked as good in that suit as Jude did. Connor figured it was time to give Jude the shirt. He lifted his eyes to meet Jude's again, nerves fluttering in his stomach.

"I was going to get you a corsage," Connor started, reaching into the bag and griping the soft material. He heard a small laugh escape Jude's lips at his words. "But, I figured this would last longer," he explained, holding onto the bottom of the bag and tugging, letting the bag flutter to the floor. He unfolded the shirt and then held it in front of his chest, showing it off to Jude. He looked down at the black shirt, a grin on his face as he reread the white writing. 'I'm Not Gay, But My Boyfriend Is'. The grin was wiped off his face as he lifted his eyes and saw Jude's almost annoyed expression. He didn't like it... Connor's stomach dropped. His arms drooped, causing the shirt to wrinkle softly. He suddenly felt the need to explain himself. "It's a joke," he rushed out, watching Jude force one of the corners of his mouth up as he looked at the shirt.

"Yeah. I got it," Jude mumbled, looking back up at Connor. Connor almost went to apologize when Jude interrupted. "I'll be outside the door, you need to change," Jude stated, stepping forward and taking the shirt from Connor, their fingers brushing. Jude folded the shirt and placed it on the top of his dresser. Connor opened his mouth to speak, but Jude had already left the room.

Connor sighed, running a hand through his hair. Of course Jude wouldn't like it. Connor pushed the feelings aside and turned to his backpack. He changed swiftly, not wanting to keep Jude waiting long. He pulled his black shirt onto his shoulders, then buttoned up the shirt and tucked it into his pants. He grabbed his tie and swung it around his neck, folding down his collar. He frowned as he fumbled with the tie, biting his lip.

"Damn it," he mumbled. Connor opened the door to the bedroom and moved his head out to see Jude waiting patiently. "Uh, Jude?" Connor asked, pressing his teeth harder against his lip.

"Yeah?" Jude asked, smiling at Connor, the annoyance gone from his face. Connor released a sigh of relief, then smiled.

"Could you help me with my tie?" Connor asked, letting his lip fall from between his teeth, pulling the door open to reveal himself. He watched Jude's eyes widen as they scanned his body. Connor felt his cheeks heat up as he heard Jude's own sharp intake of breath.

"Wow..." Jude whispered, then looked up to meet Connor's eyes. "You look amazing," Jude smiled. Connor's grin spread across his face, his cheeks flushed.

"Thanks," he mumbled, fumbling with the hanging pieces of his untied tie. He looked back up at Jude. "But, uh, I don't know how to tie this, so," Connor muttered. Jude smiled and nodded, stepping forward.

"It's okay, I only learned a few months ago at my moms' wedding," Jude explained, placing his hands around the two pieces of cloth, the backs of his hands gingerly brushing Connor's chest. Connor smiled, nodding.

"My mom always did it for me when we had fancy outings, and we haven't had many to go to since the divorce was official. So, I never learned," Connor explained. Jude nodded, smiling to himself. Connor knew it was because of his easy trust in the boy.

"Just watch, so next time you can do it," Jude offered. Connor nodded, focusing his eyes on Jude's hands as his boyfriend tied the knot in his tie, then straightened it. "There. Did you get that?" Jude asked. Connor nodded, even though his attention had only been focused on the way Jude's delicate hands moved and the way his heart fluttered when they brushed his chest. Jude smiled, then jerked his head toward the stairs. "Come on, let's go."

Connor nodded and the two boys jogged down the stairs. When they were almost at the bottom, Connor felt himself grin as he heard Dana squeal out. "And look at our beautiful boys!" Connor laughed as Jude rolled his eyes, his own smile on his face as they reached the platform. The entire family exclaimed in awes.

"Jude, why so serious, my friend? Let me see some teeth!" Lena commented, facing her camera toward the two. Jude and Connor shared a laugh, exchanging a glance. Connor gently took Jude's hand in his, looking around at the large family.

"Wait, wait, look like you're looking at Connor for the first time. You're seeing him, 'oh! Look at him, he's so handsome!'" Stef exclaimed, making gestures in her commentary. Connor bit his tongue, laughing as he looked at Jude, who rolled his eyes.

"Mom, seriously?" Jude commented, looking over at Connor, but the look Stef had told him to give Connor seemed to be there.

"Yes, I'm totally serious!" Stef laughed, placing her hands on Lena's shoulders as she snapped a few more photos of the boys.

"Okay, you guys, group shot. Get together! Hurry up, hurry up, you're gonna be late!" Lena told them. Jude and Connor's hands disconnected as they stepped down the step and joined Callie and Cole in front of the door. Jude moved beside Callie, moving his arm around her waist and his other around Connor's as the other boy came beside him.

"Here we go, all right. And no blinking, my babies!" Stef told them, watching as the four grinned toward the camera in their posed position. "You ready? One, two, three." Stef told them, then grinned herself, making sure the four did the same.

"Aw!" Lena exclaimed as she watched them. "Smile, Callie!" she told her daughter, then snapped the picture. Lena laughed as she saw the picture, the shook her head, showing it to Stef.

"Alright, guys you gotta go!" Stef ushered them out. Connor laughed, taking Jude's hand in his again. He leaned over and whispered in Jude's ear.

"You know, you have an amazing family," Connor mumbled. Jude laughed, shaking his head then looking at Connor. His face softened when he saw the serious expression on Connor's face. Jude then smiled and squeezed Connor's hand.

"Their your family, too," Jude assured. Connor nodded.

"Hey, lovebirds, get in the car!" Cole teased, looking at the two from the other side of his car. The boys laughed and Connor pulled open the door, letting Jude slide in first. He followed, their hands reconnecting when they were settled. The ride to the LGBT prom was filled with small conversations and laughter. Once they reached the prom, Callie and Cole got out first and headed in. Jude and Connor followed after, watching the older teens go inside, before walking through the hanging tinsel.

"Interesting door choice," Connor mumbled, pulling the stuff off his shirt.

"It's better than Brandon's beaded doorway," Jude laughed, brushing it from his hair as they walked in. The two stopped near the entrance, their eyes scanning the area, seeing all the people. Connor felt a bit awkward. They were all so confident, okay with who they were. Connor wasn't sure him and Jude always were. They stayed near the entrance for a few moments, their sides brushing as they took in the room.

Connor raised his eyebrows as two people came up to them. "Hey! Welcome, I'm Jonah, I'm gay." The guy with the pink shirt stated confidently, smiling at the younger kids.

"How's it going? Lennon, gender-queer. My preferred pronouns are 'they' and 'them'." The person in the sparkly jacket spoke. Connor nodded, before introducing himself.

"I'm Connor. Gay." he stated, feeling his confidence grow. He looked over at Jude and shared his smile.

"I'm Jude," his boyfriend introduced himself, smiling. Connor furrowed his eyebrows as Jonah and Lennon looked at Jude like he was some sort of weirdo. Connor felt the protective side kick in and was about to say something when Lennon spoke.

"Hey, Jude. So... what are you?" 'He's a human being,' Connor was tempted to say, his annoyance rising. But, he smiled as he heard Jude speak.

"Just Jude," Jude spoke, his voice confident, the smile not leaving his face. Connor's own smile returned as watched Jude.

"And you guys are a couple?" Jonah asked.

He exchanged a glance with Jude. "Yeah," Connor answered. He moved closer to Jude. Connor didn't like these people at all.

"Let me guess, this is your first gay dance?" Jonah asked. Connor and Jude exchanged a look, shrugging their shoulders and nodding. They talked with Jonah and Lennon for a few minutes before the two were whisked away by some other people. Jude and Connor moved closer to the dance floor, but talked quietly. Connor had a glare fixed on his face.

"I don't like that Jonah guy," Connor muttered, looking away from Jude. Jude frowned, closing his eyes for a moment before moving forward and grabbing Connor's hand gently.

"Connor, don't worry about him. You wanted to come out tonight, you were so excited. Don't let him ruin it," Jude pleaded, squeezing Connor's hand.

Connor sighed, looking at Jude with a frown on his face. "Fine. But, I still don't like the way they acted when you said you were just Jude."

"Connor, not everyone's going to accept that I don't like labels. We both have to deal with it," Jude explained. Connor sighed again, but nodded.

"Okay, fine. I like you for you, and that's all that matters," Connor smiled at Jude. His boyfriend smiled himself. "I'm going to go get some punch, you want any?" Connor asked, dropping Jude's hand.

"No, I'm good," Jude answered, smiling. Connor nodded and headed toward the punch bowl.

As he reached the bowl, Connor grabbed one of the small plastic cups and held it upright. He closed his eyes as he looked over and saw Jonah walking over.

"Having fun?" Jonah asked. Connor forced a smile onto his face and picked up the ladle to the punch.

"Sure, I mean, we just got here. But, yeah," Connor laughed, pouring the punch into the cup and turning toward Jonah.

"So... what's the deal with your boyfriend? He's not gay, he's 'just Jude'?" Jonah questioned, turning his head as he spoke. He raised his eyebrows at Connor.

Connor faltered, trying to explain to this person who hardly knew Jude his reasoning. "He, uh, he doesn't really like labels," Connor decided, not about to go into details about Jude's past to make this guy understand.

"Ah! I see," Jonah stated, nodding with a stiff smile. Connor smiled, thinking he might have gotten threw to the guy. "Translation, he's not sure if he's gay," Connor froze. "Been there, done that, girl," Jonah spoke with a small laugh. The smile faded from Connor's face as Jonah spoke.

"Been where, done what?" Connor asked after a moment, his heart dropping.

"Been with boys who are curious or whatever. Listen, I'm only telling you this because I wish someone had warned me when I was your age," Jonah started. Connor stood up straighter as Jonah spoke, his eyes widening and his fear written on his face. "But, if a guy can't say he's gay, it means he ain't sure he is. And queen, that just means he's gonna end up dumping you, and breaking your baby-gay heart," Jonah explained, widening his eyes and given Connor a tight-lipped frown before walking away.

Connor's eyes dropped to his punch. He took a breath, feeling his heart sink. He felt a whirlwind of emotions. Anger at Jonah for thinking he knew Jude better than Connor did. Sadness and fear because... it made sense. How Jude had almost been  _ashamed_ to call Connor his boyfriend. How he was clearly annoyed at the shirt Connor had given him. How he couldn't even tell the people at the LGBT prom, who were most accepting, that him and Connor were dating! It all made sense... it all fit together.

Maybe Jonah was right...

Connor shook his head, trying to keep his composure. He needed to talk to Jude. He moved quickly, too quickly for his own good. He hit his hand against the already poured punch and it spilled onto his shirt. Connor groaned, jogging away from the bowl, nearly passing Jude, who grabbed his arm.

"Connor, are you okay?" Jude asked. Connor blinked. He couldn't talk to Jude now, not when he was still processing everything.

"Uh, yeah, spilled the punch, gotta go clean up," Connor explained hurriedly.

"You want some help?"

"No!" Connor shouted, watching Jude step back at the outburst. "Uh, sorry, but, no I can take care of it myself," Connor explained and turned away from Jude, running toward the bathroom. He shut the door behind him and faced the mirror that took up nearly the whole wall. Connor grabbed some paper towels and rinsed them beneath the water, then rung it out. He wiped away the punch that had spilled on his shirt, then threw away the paper towels and stared at himself in the mirror.

What was he going to do?

Jonah might be right... but he could also be wrong. Maybe... maybe if Connor dropped hints to Jude he might get that he wanted Jude to at least tell him that he liked guys? It was a nagging thing in the back of Connor's mind. Jude might not like Connor at all. If he can't tell Connor what he likes, that means he's questioning. If he's questioning he might not like guys. If he doesn't like guys he doesn't like Connor.

Connor took a deep breath and shook his head. He'd find out.

Connor left the bathroom and blended into the crowd, finding Jonah near the edge of the dance floor.

"Hey!" Jonah greeted cheerfully as he noticed Connor had joined them.

"Hey!" Connor answered, a smile spreading across his face. Jonah and his friends had formed a small circle which Connor joined, adding in his own awkward dancing. Well, it was more like jumping to a beat. Connor laughed after a few minutes, realizing how horrible he was at this whole dancing thing. He looked at Jonah curiously as he tapped his shoulder, then pointed over to the edge of the dance floor. Connor turned, spotting Jude, who was holding two cups of punch and looking at the circle with furrowed eyebrows.

"Hey, there you are!" Connor gave Jude a small smile as he turned to him.

"What are you doing?" Jude asked. Connor felt anger well inside him. Jude didn't even want to be here did he? He was uncomfortable being with Connor, or even addressing the fact that he liked a boy! Well, Connor wasn't.

"Dancing. It's a gay dance, right?" Connor spoke, but it was less of a question and more of a statement.

"This is stupid. Can we just go?" Jude asked, a hint of a smile on his face. Connor shook his head. He couldn't believe this.

"If you wanna leave than just go. Whatever," Connor started, his anger slipping into his tone, his face showing his annoyance. "But, I'm gonna stay," Connor stated, watching Jude's face turn void of emotion. "I'm having a good time. But, you know, I'm gay, so," Connor added, raising his eyebrows, meaning it to be a jab to Jude. What he wanted to happen was for Jude to yell at him. To say it was ridiculous, how he was acting like he wasn't gay, because he was, he just hated labels. But, no that's not what happened. Instead Jude fixed his eyes in a glare, but Connor could see his jab had stung. Jude turned away and placed the punch on a table before walking out the exit. Connor fixed his eyes on the ground, taking a breath before turning back and dancing with Jonah and his friends, forcing himself to smile and laugh.

But, he couldn't keep doing that. When Jonah wasn't looking, Connor slipped away and made his way to a small area just outside the dance area. he focused his eyes out on the lights that had been strung, taking breaths.

He could feel his emotions getting the best of him. His anger at Jude for not being able to accept himself. His fear that him and Jude might not be together anymore. But, most of all the overwhelming sadness he felt because in the back of his mind he thought Jude didn't like him. And, could he blame Jude? Connor had been a complete jackass to Jude during the time they were 'more-than-friends' and before that, too. Jude may have had interest in generally feminine things, but that didn't make Jude gay. If Jude wasn't gay, and didn't want to be with Connor... Connor stopped his thoughts, closing his eyes and shaking his head. He focused his eyes on the lights.

"Hey," Connor heard Jude speak. Connor turned, his jaw dropping, trying to hide his emotions from Jude. "I'm Jude. And I'm gay," Jude stated confidently. Connor felt happiness rise in him, but he forced it down. Jude had assured him close to this before. It wasn't any different. Connor faced Jude fully.

"You know what, I don't... think I can keep doing this," Connor admitted, holding his breath, knowing what he would have to do. He avoided Jude's eyes.

"I know." Connor looked up, his eyebrows furrowed. What? "And you won't have to. I promise," Connor was confused. Where was this coming from? He searched Jude's eyes for answers. "Because I am super gay. For you," Jude emphasized 'you'. Connor felt his resolve break. A grin broke out on his face. He laughed, his eyes dropping to the ground, his cheeks turning a light pink. He couldn't help the happiness that came over him as he looked at Jude who had started smiling as well. He realized a slow song was playing.

"You wanna dance?" Connor offered, tilting his head and moving closer to Jude. Jude looked at him with a smile and clear fondness in his eyes.

"I'd love to," he spoke with complete confidence. Connor didn't know what happened, but he was glad it did, because he had Jude now. And he never had to worry about doubting Jude's feelings for him again. Connor smiled, reaching forward and grabbing Jude's hand and leading the boy who was willing onto the dance floor. They weaved their way through the couples dancing together and found a spot in the center. Connor stopped, allowing Jude to walk around in front of him. Connor let Jude's hand fall from his, lifting the hand onto Jude's shoulder and his opposite onto Jude's waist. Jude placed the hand Connor had been holding on Connor's waist and his other on Connor's shoulder.

The goofy grins don't leave their faces as they adjusted and got comfortable in their position, looking each other up and down and giggling when they met eyes. Connor kept his eyes on the ground, trying to keep his feet from stepping over Jude's. When he looked back up, he saw Jude staring at him and smiling wider than Connor has ever seen. His own smile grew when he caught Jude. They swayed gently, keeping time with the slow music. It's a moment before Connor realizes that Cole and Callie had started dancing beside them. But, his attention is more on Jude.

How Jude's hands feel on his waist and shoulder, and how Jude's feel under his hands. Jude's waist his slime, but Connor's hand seems to fit perfectly on it. Connor thought he'd never been happier than in that moment. Butterflies were fluttering in his stomach, and his heart was beating steadily. He just wanted to hold Jude. So, he started inching slowly closer. He moved his hand around to the small of Jude's back, feeling Jude adjust his hand on Connor's shoulder. He presses his hand against Jude, hoping Jude understood Connor wanted him closer. He eyes the ground as he moves himself closer. Then lifts them, seeing Jude look at Callie. He smiles at Jude when he breaks the contact with his sister, then pulls Jude against him, feeling Jude relax completely against him, resting his head gently on Connor's shoulder.

Jude's arm wrapped all the way around Connor and his other bends as he is pressed against Connor. Connor tightened his grip on Jude's shoulder and presses his hand against Jude, bringing it up and down his boyfriend's back in a calm motion and rested his head against Jude's neck, closing his eyes lightly as they swayed. All the anger, sadness, fear, and annoyance was completely gone from him, feeling Jude's body against him, relaxed and content. Connor's sure Jude feels as happy as he is in this moment.

As the slow song comes to and end, Jude and Connor pulled back from each other's shoulders and rest their foreheads against each other. Then, Connor laughs. "I can't believe I thought you didn't like me. I was so stupid," Connor whispered, staring into Jude's chocolate brown eyes. Those same eyes crinkle at the corners as Jude laughs and grins at Connor.

"Yeah, kinda. What made you think that anyway?" Jude asked, pulling back as a fast song comes on and pulls Connor away from the dance floor. Connor bit his lip, glancing at the dance floor where Jonah was laughing with Lennon.

"Uh, Jonah kinda came up to me and said that if a guy can't say he's gay, it means he's not, and I just- I don't know. It made sense to me," Connor stuttered, shame coming onto his features. His eyes drop, squeezing Jude's hand. "I guess I was just thinking that it would make sense if you didn't like me. I was such a jerk to you, and I still couldn't even tell my dad I was coming here tonight. And then there was how you were so annoyed with that shirt and I just- I was scared," Connor finished, breathing a sigh and keeping his eyes on the ground. Jude shook his head.

"Connor, I forgave you already. And, I understand why you can't tell your dad. Hey, can you look at me?" Jude pleaded. Connor couldn't he was ashamed of how he had acted. Jude groaned and Connor felt a hand under his chin. Jude forced Connor's chin up, making him meet his eyes. "I like the shirt. And you," Jude stated confidently. Then, Jude did something that shocked Connor. Jude pulled Connor's chin, leaning forward and connecting their lips softly.

Connor's eyes fluttered closed after the initial shock wore off and kissed Jude back. Jude's hand moved onto Connor's cheek and his other hand on Connor's other cheek. Connor's arms found their way to Jude's waist. This was a big deal to Connor. After they had started dating, Connor had avoided kissing Jude again, because he wanted to be sure Jude wanted it. Jude had never initiated anything except hand holding. This was the first time Jude had initiated a kiss. The kiss lasted- well Connor didn't know how long it lasted. He got lost in the feel of Jude's lips on his, and Jude's hands on his cheeks, and the feeling of Jude's body pressed against his.

They finally pulled back when they realized air was keen to survival. Connor rested his forehead on Jude's, his eyes still closed. He licked his lips, opening his eyes and looking at Jude who was grinning at him. "I believe you," Connor breathed, brushing his nose against Jude's. Then, Jude pecked his lips again, took his hand, and led him back toward Callie and Cole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> READ WARPAINT!
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr at jonnorlandfill.
> 
> I do not own The Fosters or anything you may recognize.
> 
> -HJ


	9. Baseball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jude tried baseball with Connor. Keyword; tried.
> 
> So, in light of rewatching the finale on Netflix and using captions, I heard Jude talking about how he tried baseball with Connor, asuming he was talking about when the went to camp in 3x09. And so, this happened.

Jude watched Connor through the links in the fence, smiling softly. The two had gone to a week a camp nearby, sadly meaning Jude would miss Brandon's Idllywild performance, but also meaning he'd get to spend a week with his boyfriend without the supervision of anyone either of them knew.

He watched as Connor pulled back with the bat, a carefree grin on his face as he hit the ball. He had just come back from canoeing out on the lake, and had stopped by the batting cages the camp had to watch Connor. The two had agreed to do separate activities for at least a half hour everyday. Jude had known Connor had been spending his time here.

"Oh, hey!" Connor greeted, spotting Jude, a smiling lighting his features. Jude bit his lip as the last ball whisked past Connor as he was distracted. If Connor's dad had been here, like the last time the two were at a batting cage together, he would have scolded Connor for an hour on that. But, he wasn't, and Connor wasn't worried about the ball he'd missed. Connor pulled his hat off, placed the bat beside the machine and then stepped out of the cage. "I thought you were canoeing," Connor commented, coming over to Jude and greeting him with a quick hug. Jude laughed as he pulled away.

"Yeah, I just finished up. Having fun?" Jude asked, his eyes flickering toward the cage. Connor glanced behind him and nodded.

"Yeah! It's so much more fun doing it without being corrected about everything," he explained, laughing softly. Jude joined him and nodded. Connor looked back at the cage and then at his boyfriend. "You wanna try?" Connor asked, pointing toward the cage. Jude laughed and shook his head.

"We both know how well that turned out the last time," Jude spoke with a laugh, rolling his eyes.

"Oh, come on, you had fun, didn't you?" Connor teased, grabbing Jude's hand.

"Not really, but then again, that was mainly cause your dad was yelling at you," Jude told him, frowning and stepping slightly closer. Connor frowned, but leaned forward and leaned his forehead against Jude's.

"Well, my dad's not here right now, is he?" Connor asked, smiling. Jude giggled.

"The last time you said that, we ended up kissing in a tent," Jude pointed out.

"Exactly," Connor winked, then leaned closer and pecked Jude's lips. Jude laughed, shaking his head at Connor.

"Cheesy," Jude commented, lifting the hand that wasn't holding Connor's and pressing it against his boyfriend's chest.

"Come on, please, I can help you out?" Connor tried, his eyes widening, forming begging puppy dog eyes. Jude groaned and sighed.

"Fine," he decided.

"Whoop!" Connor grinned, pulling his hat back over his head and grabbing another for Jude. He placed the hat on Jude's head, earning a small laugh from his boyfriend. "Come on," Connor encouraged, grabbing Jude's hand and leading him into the cage. "Here," Connor spoke, handing Jude the bat.

"Okay, now what?" Jude asked, gripping the bat.

"Turn around, keep your feet about shoulder width apart, and bend your knees slightly," Connor instructed. Jude nodded and did as Connor had said. Connor stepped up behind Jude. "Now, grip the bat like this," Connor told Jude, moving beside him so Jude could see his hands. Jude attempted to position his hands, but failed. Connor laughed. "No, like this," Connor stated. He moved over, moving his hands on Jude's shoulders, then sliding them down his boyfriend's arms and placing his hands on top of Jude's. Jude shivered from the way Connor did it, his cheeks heating up. Connor smiled, his chin on Jude's shoulder as he fixed his boyfriend's grip on the bat. "See, like that," Connor whispered, his eyelids falling half closed as he spoke into Jude's ear.

"Mhm," Jude squeaked out, biting his lip. Connor smiled.

"Then you pull back," Connor spoke, then moved both his arms and Jude's arms back toward their shoulders. "And swing, and move your body with it," Connor whispered softly, swinging the bat gently. Jude swallowed, his cheeks a dark shade of red of the feeling of Connor's chest against his back and his arms and hands over his, Connor's chin on his shoulder. His heart pounded in his chest. Connor smirked, then pulled back. "Now, you try," he spoke louder, putting a coin in the machine and it started. Jude's eyes widened and he rushed to lift the bat, feeling suddenly cold without Connor pressed against him and feeling like he couldn't move the weight of the bat.

He swung the bat as the ball came racing toward him and groaned as he messed up the form completely. "I suck at this, I told you," Jude told Connor, his voice still wavering.

"Try again!" Connor encouraged as another ball came racing toward Jude. Sadly, though, Jude had stepped off balance and when he moved to hit the ball, it hit his wrist rather than the bat.

"Ow!" Jude howled, dropping the bat and stepped back from the center of cage, his back hitting the fence. He gripped his wrist tightly, his face contorting in pain.

"Jude!" Connor shouted, his eyes wide. He ran forward, grabbing Jude's sides to keep him up. "Are you okay?" he asked, concern clear on his face. Jude closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the fence and nodding his head.

"Yeah, it will go away in a second," Jude answered, his voice strained.

"Are you sure?" Connor asked, frowning at Jude, moving his hands to grip his boyfriend's biceps.

"Yes," Jude laughed, letting go of his wrist and shaking it out.

"Sorry," Connor muttered, pulling on Jude's arms and leading him out of the cage after turning off the machine.

"For?" Jude laughed, lifting his hands and gripping Connor's forearms.

"Making you do that, and distracting you," Connor bit his lip. Jude shook his head.

"You didn't make me, I chose to," Jude assured. Connor glanced down. "And I like the distraction," Jude promised, smirking at Connor. Connor laughed, lifting his head, moving his hands back to Jude's waist.

"Really?" Connor flirted as Jude's hands slid up his arms and around his neck.

"Yes," Jude answered, then leaned forward and pressed his lips to Connor's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this up in less than an hour and it is very much unedited, so please don't yell at me. Also, I'm working on a piece like I did with 3x04 and writing Jonnor scenes they left out and the ones they put with detail :).
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr at jonnorlandfill.
> 
> I wish I owned The Fosters, but sadly I do not.
> 
> -HJ


	10. The Stages of Love (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are stages leading up to saying the big L to someone. And both Jude and Connor experienced them.

_"There's the moment when you think you think it..."_

"Because I am super gay. For you," he told Connor, his eyes sparkling. Connor's face broke into a grin, laughing as he cast his eyes downward briefly, a soft blush appearing on his cheeks. Jude felt his heart flutter at the sight, the smile on his lips growing as he watched Connor.

"You wanna dance?" Connor asked, the happiness from earlier that night coming back into his voice.

"I'd love to," Jude answered, meeting Connor's eyes when he looked back up.

Their smiles mirrored each other as Connor looked down again so he could grab Jude's hand and lead him onto the dance floor. Jude followed willingly, feeling lighter than air. As they reached an empty spot on the floor, Connor stopped walking and Jude moved around him so he was facing Connor. They each placed a hand on the other's waist and shoulder, adjusting for a minute before swaying and just grinning at each other. Jude noticed Callie and Cole start dancing beside him and he turned to look at his sister, sharing a smile with her. Jude felt Connor's hand on his lower back and felt the boy move closer. Jude smiled and leaned forward, resting his head against Connor's shoulder wrapping the arm he had on Connor's waist all the way around the boy's torso as he moved. His eyes fell closed as Connor moved his hand up and down his back, then rest his head against Jude's neck. Jude's smile grew as they swayed. His heart soared in his chest. He had never been happier.

"Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody. With somebody who loves me." The lyrics rang through Jude's ears.

It had been a hard thing getting here, to this dance floor with Connor, a boy he truly cared about. Maybe even... no, he couldn't be thinking of that. They were already two gay thirteen year olds, so most of the world was already against them, add one of them thinking their in love? Some of his family might not even think he actually feels that way.

Instead of pressuring the thought, he pressed his eyes closed tighter and swayed with his boyfriend to the beat of the song.

_"There's the moment when you think you know it..."_

Jude looked up from hugging his mothers, furrowing his eyebrows at the sight of his boyfriend behind his mothers. "Hey! What-" Connor cut him off.

"You didn't answer _any_ of my texts," Connor explained, nervousness and worry clear on his face.

"Sorry," Jude responded. Connor looked almost disappointed at the response. Jude cast his eyes downward. He wasn't going to get into it in front of the rest of his family. His thoughts whirled in his head and he tried to focus them enough to figure out how to explain all of this to Connor. He was going to tell Connor, of course he was, he told Connor everything. He just didn't know how to put his words in the right form, especially when he couldn't stop thinking of the fact that Connor had come here and worried himself sick because of him. Jude felt guilty, but he also felt a small bit of joy that Connor had cared enough about him to run over here when a few texts had gone unanswered.

Once everyone had dispersed, Jude and Connor were the only two left in the entrance hall. Connor's head was facing the floor as Jude stepped up onto the platform beside the steps.

"Hey, Connor. Can you look at me?" Jude asked, becoming worried himself that he'd hurt Connor. Connor lifted his head, his bottom lip caught between his teeth and fear and nervousness on his face. "I'm really sorry. Can we go upstairs?" Jude suggested, pointing upward. Connor hesitated, before nodding.

Jude grabbed his boyfriend's hand and led him up the stairs and into his bedroom. He moved the door so it was only slightly ajar so they would have some privacy. Jude dropped his backpack on his bean bag chair and sat Connor down on his bed. Jude took a breath, opening his mouth to share the story before Connor interrupted. "Why'd you shut me out?" Connor asked, lifting his eyes to meet Jude's.

"I wasn't trying to. Look, it's kind of a long story. Do you think you could listen for a bit?" Jude asked, glancing down. Connor paused, then nodded, smiling softly and encouragingly at Jude. Jude took a breath and then launched into telling Connor about how yesterday he'd come home and overheard Moms and Brandon fighting, heard that Moms were in counseling, that they were having problems, that Callie and A.J had kissed. He told Connor how he had thought his Moms were going to get a divorce and that Callie's adoption would be screwed over again. He told Connor how he hadn't been able to handle a math test when he had those thoughts in his head, so he'd left, ended up exploding at Lena, then turned his phone off to further avoid her. After realizing what he'd done, he'd feared he'd done it, that he'd be sent away, so he went to Callie, even though he was mad at her as well. He told Connor all of this and somewhere in the story he ended up sitting across from Connor on the bed, his legs crossed as he explained everything.

Jude took a breath as he finished. "I'm really sorry I didn't answer your texts," Jude explained, pulling his phone out of his pocket and dropping it on the bed.

Connor looked at Jude cautiously for a moment before taking one of Jude's hands. "It's okay, I understand. Just next time, tell me you're okay before ditching a class?" Connor laughed softly, earning one from Jude. Connor's eyebrows knitted together and his eyes seemed slightly glanced over. "I was really worried," Connor told him, lifting Jude's hand to his mouth and kissing his knuckles. 

Jude's heart fluttered in his chest and he got a familiar feeling in his stomach, much like the one he'd had at the prom a month ago. "I'm sorry, again. I will next time, I promise," Jude swore, leaning forward so their foreheads were touching.

"Apology accepted," Connor whispered. He leaned forward slightly, pressing a quick kiss to Jude's lips before pulling back. "Now, I should probably head back home, my dad's probably freaking out," Connor laughed.

"Okay," Jude answered.

"Unless you want me to stay? You have a lot going on, I can tell him I'm here," Connor suggested, conern evident in his voice. The corners of Jude's lips turned up.

"You don't have to do that," Jude told him. Connor paused.

"I'll stay. He won't be that angry," Connor decided, settling back against Jude's bed and smiling. Jude glanced down, remenbering his thoughts at the prom. He didn't care. He was sure of it. He loves Connor. 

He paused, thinking. Unless he was just hyping his feelings? 

"Hey, you okay? You look confused," Connor questioned, poking Jude's arm. Jude focused on Connor, smiling.

"I'm great," he answered, honestly.

_"There's the moment you know you know it, but you can't yet say it..."_

Jude's heart slammed against his ribcage and he was sure his boyfriend could feel it, as Jude could feel his. The skin on skin contact was driving him crazy, not to mention the feel of Connor's intoxicating lips on his.

Jude pulled back slowly. "Maybe we should stop," he gasped. Connor pressed his lips to Jude's once more. "You're dad could walk in," Jude mumbled against Connor's lips.

"I don't care right now," Connor mumbled back. Jude tugged at Connor's hair, a single thought playing in the back of his mind.  _I love you._

"Connor," Jude breathed, his hand running down his boyfriend's back. "I-" he froze when he heard the door to the bedroom open. The boys jumped apart and Jude scrambled for his shirt. Adam Stevens stood, his eyes wide and his mouth agape in Connor's doorway.

"Dad, I-"

"Jude, I think it's time I take you home. I'll give you two a minute to fix yourselves up," Adam stated firmly, then exited the room. Jude's cheeks were a dark shade of red and he pulled his shirt over his head, adjusting his hair. He watched Connor do the same out of the corner of his eye.

"I'm sorry," Jude told him, walking across the room and throwing his backpack over his shoulder.

"Don't worry, Jude," Connor told him, grabbing his boyfriend's hand and bringing him close as he stood up. "What were you gonna say before he came in?" Connor asked, his head tilted. Jude's eyes widened. He couldn't say it.

"Um..." Luckily, he didn't have to make up an excuse. 

"Jude! Come on, gotta take you home!" came Adam's tense voice.

"I've gotta go, I'll text you," he pecked Connor's lips and quickly headed down the stairs, leaving Connor confused and terrified of what he would endure when his father got home.

_"And then there's the moment when you know you know it, and you can't hold it in any longer."_

As the family and the rest of the people in the court exited the court room, Jude grabbed Connor's hand and led his boyfriend past everyone, to a corner in the courthouse. He didn't talk to Connor about this. Alone.

Connor needed to know he was loved and that he needed to feel that way and feel safe. His mother would be there for him, where his father couldn't be. And besides that, Jude honestly could keep pretending his feelings for Connor weren't deeper than a first crush/boyfriend feelings.

He dropped Connor's hand and leaned against the pillar, focusing his eyes on Connor.

"Hey, so, I've been thinking. Maybe you should go live with your mom," Jude informed, watching Connor, who's face grew confused. "After your dad said that you asked him to let you go... I didn't get it," Jude glanced away. "At all," he spoke honestly. "But, I was watching you in there, when Callie was talking about how great it is to be, you know, safe. And loved. And to have a family that his really truly there for her," Jude stold up slightly, looking Connor in the eyes. "And I want you to have that," Connor smiled softly. "Because..." Jude took a breath. "I love you."

Jude watched anxiously as Connor's smile grew. "I love you, too," Connor answered. Jude's stomach exploded with happiness, but it was twinged with sadness. He knew Connor would have to leave so he could be truly happy.

"And, hey!" he tried to be positive. "There are trains, right?" he suggested, his face turning to a frown as he looked at his boyfriend. The two leaned forward and hugged each other. Jude squeezed Connor tightly, not ever wanting to let go. He loves Connor. Even if they'll be miles away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been writing this for a while. I got the idea from How I Met Your Mother. There will be a part two with Connor's stages. I hope you guys liked it :)!
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr at jonnorlandfill.
> 
> I do not own The Fosters or anything your recognize.
> 
> -HJ


	11. The Stages of Love (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are stages leading up to saying the big L to someone. And both Jude and Connor experienced them.

_"There's the moment when you think you think it..."_

Connor focused his eyes on the tablet, trying to ignore the feeling of Jude's close proximity. It was really becoming a problem, how much he liked Jude. Ever since he'd kissed Jude in the tent, he'd been a complete ass and he'd sent so many mixed signals.

He knew what he was doing was wrong, but what could he do? His dad would  _kill_ him if he thought Connor was gay.

Connor spoke, showing Jude how to work the game, leaning slightly closer. He felt Jude's eyes on him. He knew Jude felt the same about him, but he couldn't possibly bring it up.

He controlled his breath from hitching as Jude moved closer to him, Jude's shoulder practically overlapping Connor's. He missed these times with his best friend, when things hadn't been so complicated.

They both pressed the screen, attempting to kill the Krayt dragon, finally accomplishing the task.

"Alright!"

"We did it!" Connor lifted his hand for a high five, with Jude happily obliged to. Connor's grin grew as their hands made contact.

"Onto the next one," Jude stated. Connor glanced over at him, a quick, terrifying thought that would only complicate everything more fluttering through his brain. Then they continued the game. 

_"There's the moment when you think you know it..."_

Connor hadn't thought about loving Jude since the day before they kissed again, but honestly, he should have. But Jude had just said he wasn't gay, so, there should be more on his mind than his strong feelings for the boy. Though, the thought made it hurt all the more.

"I have to go after him," Connor decided, looking at the girls.

"Connor, you're on crutches, it will take you forever on your own," Taylor suggested, stepping closer, guilt clear on her face.

"I'll be find on my own, Taylor," slight resentment was clear in Connor's voice. This was her fault.

"Connor-" Daria started.

"No, I-I've got to... Yeah," he stuttered, turning back up the sand hill. He started walking on the side walk beside the beach, figuring it'd be easier than searching through the fray ans falling in the sand.

It was a few hours when Connor started down the sand as he passed the life guard house. Where had his boyfriend gone? If he could even call Jude that anymore.

He paused, untying his sweatshirt from his waist and carefully putting it on. It was getting cold. And it was already dark out. He was really worried.

He walked further down the beach and held his breath when he saw a figure sitting on rocks further down, looking out at the water. Even from the distance he could tell it was Jude.

Connor moved as fast as his crutches would allow him. Once he reached the rocks, Jude glanced at him, but his face remained emotionless. 

"I've been looking all over for you!" Connor exclaimed, carefully making his way up the rocks. "You know," he commented, adjusting himself. "You could make it a little easier on me," he told Jude, finally able to sit down. "I am on crutches," he reminded Jude. He rested his bad foot on a rock in front of him and balanced his crutched beside him. 

He was awfully close to Jude. His heart ached. He had spent hours building the courage to speak to Jude about this, but now that he was almost positive he absolutley loved Jude, what could he do? Yeah, he had thought about that too.

"So... I don't get it," Connor told Jude, looking at him. Nothing. "What do you mean you're not gay?" Still nothing. Connor went for it. "Do you not like me?" Connor asked. 

"No," Jude ansered.

Connor paused. He had to know. "Do you know like me like that?" Connor asked, watching Jude carefully. 

"No, I do!" Jude told him. Jude sighed. Then he began to speak. About how much he hated labels and how they'd hurt him. How he just wanted to be Jude. Connor understood. But, his heart nagged at him.

"Does that mean you don't want to be my boyfriend?" Connor asked, fear evident in his tone.

"No," Jude stated, looking at Connor like he had three heads. Connor let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding.

"Okay," he whispered. "Okay, good, cause I thought-" 

"No. I promise," Jude swore. Connor smiled as Jude moved forward, his hand nudging Connor's. Connor wrapped his hand around Jude and relaxed as Jude ran his thumb down Connor's. Connor looked back at Jude to find him looking back. Maybe loving Jude would be just fine.

_"There's the moment when you know you know it, but you can't yet say it..."_

**Connor**

_Jude, R U ok?_

_What happened?_

_Where R U?_

_Jude, answer me!_

_I see ur mom. Please be ok._

_Jude, where R U?_

_We just got 2 ur house._

_Please answer someone_

_Im worried_

Connor's leg bounced up and down as he stared at the texts. Jude hadn't even read them. His worry only increased as the minutes passed.

"Connor, love, you need to calm down, he'll be fine," Stef assured him, her hand on his shoulder. Connor nodded softly at her, turning his screen off and instead staring at the wood of the table. Then the door opened. Connor looked up, looking toward the door. Stef and Lena walked toward it, and Connor knew Jude was in the entrance hall. Mariana followed behind her mother's and Connor followed after as calmly as possible. He was so relieved when he saw Jude, talking to his mothers and apologizing. 

Connor smiled softly. Jude looked up and noticed him as he pulled away from his mothers. 

"Hey, what are you-"

"You didn't answer any of my texts," Connor explained himself quickly, his previous worry returning to his face.

"Sorry," Jude answered. Connor's eyes dropped and he tuned everything else out. Sorry? Was that all he had to say? Had Connor just blown something out of proportion? Was it becsuse he loved Jude? The realization hit him like an oncoming train. He'd thought about it before, and had almost been certain, but now he knew for sure. That's why he'd been so affected by this. He loves Jude.

"Hey, Connor? Can you look at me?" Jude's hand rested on his arm. Connor raised his eyes, worry and a slight fear still clear in them. Would Jude reject him if he said it? He couldn't tell Jude. Not yet anyway. "I'm really sorry. Can we go upstairs?" Jude gestured. Connor glanced down, then back at his boyfriend. 

"Yeah," Connor answered and followed Jude up the stairs.

_"And then there's the moment when you know you know it, and you can't hold it in any longer."_

He had to tell Jude. Before he left for LA. Then Jude would understand that he wasn't leaving because he wanted to, but because he needed to. Before they'd come to the court, Jude had confronted Connor about asking his dad to let him go with with his mom and Connor had explained how hard it was for him. But, Connor knew Jude still didn't get it.

But, it was a surprise for him when  _Jude_ pulled  _him_ to decide after Callie got adopted.

"Hey, so, I've been thinking. Maybe you should go live with your mom," Jude started. Connor furrowed his eyebrows at Jude and titled his head. Jude  _wanted_ him to go? Jude answered his question before he could ask. He explained how he saw Connor in the courtroom when Callie was talking and that he wanted Connor to be safe just like Callie was.

Connor smiled, lifted his head, about to say it.

"Because..." Connor froze. The two seconds between this and the next words were the longest moments of Connor's life. "I love you."

A huge weight lifted off Connor's shoulders and he smiled, glancing down and laughing softly. "I love you, too," he answered. He was happy they'd finally said it. Though, he was slightly angry Jude beat him to the punch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, "Connor thought he was in love THAT long ago???" Honestly, I just love the idea of Connor falling in love before Jude. We've always seen everything from Jude's side, but I've always felt Connor's stronger feelings developed faster than Jude's. 
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr at jonnorlandfill.
> 
> I do not own The Fosters or anything your recognize.
> 
> -HJ


	12. It's Always Been You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After struggling to figure out his sexuality, Jude still can't find answers. Until he's cleaning his room one day and decides it never mattered anyway when he finds a certain shirt.
> 
> Or what I wish would happen on Monday. Fair warning: Rather angsty

The more Jude thought about it, the less his sexuality made sense. The only people he'd ever really found attractive were Connor and Taylor. He thought Taylor was pretty, and he'd found Connor unbelievably handsome and hot. It didn't make sense to him.

He'd just gotten home from school, his kiss with Taylor earlier that day playing over in his head. They'd been standing by her locker, and Jude just had to know. Maybe kissing Taylor would help. If anything it made things worse.

It wasn't that the kiss was bad, it was nice. He liked it, but he didn't want to do it again. Somehow, he managed to convince himself he had feelings for the girl, though now he was thinking it had just been due to his blatant confusion and need for answers. 

He knew he had loved Connor. He knew that he had at least liked Taylor a little bit. But he didn't know anything else. Was he gay? Was he straight? Was he bi? Something else entirely? He had no idea, and honestly, trying to figure it out was giving him a headache.

Jude fidgeted with his squishy ball, his eyes movong around the room. Jesus' side was always a wild mess, but Jude kept his fairly neat. Except in the last few weeks. With his breakup with Connor, Jack's death, and his utter confusion over his sexuality all weighing him down, Jude hadn't managed to keep his side of the room neat.

He got to his feet, figuring his should clean. No one was home right now, so he wouldn't be interrupted.

Jude started to clean up his area near the door, straighting the books on the shelf and then picking up the stray trash and tossing it in the can. He worked further down his side, eventually reaching his dresser.

Jude adjusted the knick knacks and trinkets on the stop, then moved to stuff the shirts and jeans that were sticking out into the drawers.

He froze when he saw it.

Folded neatly under his dresser, where he'd placed it after his ex gave it to him in avoidance of wearing it, was a large black shirt, and the words "not gay" were visible in white font from where he could see.

He pulled the shirt slowly out from under the dresser, dusting it off, before unfolding it and standing up. The shirt now unfolded, he was able to see all the words that were presented in white, though his already knew what it said.

_I'm Not Gay But My Boyfriend Is_

Images flashed in Jude's head, memories of when Connor had given it to him. How he'd reacted to it, how Connor had looked so sad when seeing his clear annoyance, how Connor had been so happy and excited and how he had been hesitant all night, how Connor had questioned them because of some guy, but Jude understood and decided to tell Connor he was gay. For him.

That entire night seemed like a distant memory now. Connor had been so accepting of Jude not labeling himself and they'd been  _happy_ that night. Now it felt like Jude was back to square one. Unable to identify himself and filled with sorrow.

Tears filled in Jude's eyes as it hit him. Their break up had hit Jude hard originally and he didn't think he could feel a greater pain. But now he knew he could.

He hugged the shirt close to his chest, tears streaming down his face as he slowly slid to his knees on his bedroom floor, sobs escaping him.

It didn't matter if he was straight. It didn't matter if he was gay. It didn't matter if he was bi. It didn't matter if he was something else entirely.

What mattered was that he loved Connor. Then and now as he cried on the floor on his bedroom. What mattered was that Connor had accepted him whole heartedly and had been willing to joke about Jude questioning and not labeling himself. What mattered was that Connor loved him. Then and... Well he didn't know now. What mattered was that it was Connor. It was always Connor. It would always _be_ Connor. No matter his sexuality.

And he'd lost him. And he wasn't getting him back. 

Jude continued to sob and his voice came out broken and soft as he spoke to a boy who wasn't there, and wouldn't be again. "I'm sorry."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me a total of twenty minutes to write this, I got so much inspiration and I wish this would happen on the show, though I know it won't. 
> 
> Hope you liked this!
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr at jonnorlandfill.
> 
> I do not own The Fosters or anything you recognize.
> 
> -HJ


	13. Toxic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jude is toxic and Connor doesn't know how he's gone so long without his poison.

_Baby, can't you see, I'm callin'._

As junior year drew to a close, Connor couldn't believe how lucky he had gotten.

Four years ago he had been living in LA with a broken heart because his best friend, first boyfriend, first kiss, first love had just broken up with him. And he thought he'd lost him forever. Not only that, but his father simply did not accept him as gay, which had been the reason for him moving in the first place.

Now, that was simply not the case. Connor had moved back to San Diego just before Freshman year. It had taken him a good six months for him to completely fall back into habit there. For him to reclaim his old status. For him to get back to where he was. For him and his dad to settle back into their relationship. For his dad to completely accept him (which he had, his father sometimes even pointed out dateable and cute boys).

For him and Jude to become best friends again.

And it had worked. They had become best friends again and they were to this day. Connor couldn't be happier.

But, the problem was, he was still deeply in love with Jude.

And Jude... didn't feel the same. At least he thought Jude didn't.

Connor had no idea how Jude didn't know. He knew Connor better than anyone else, he was on the honor roll, and had a cop for a mother,  and yet he couldn't figure this out?

  _A guy like you should wear a warnin'._

Connor truly couldn't believe that Jude had even considered dating him when they were thirteen. How could someone as beautiful and amazing as Jude have been in love with him once? And if Jude had been, why couldn't Jude still be in love with him now?

Connor watched Jude from their distance. He was sitting on the floor, his legs stretched in front of him, one foot pressed against Jude's and his back against Jude's bed. Jude sat on the bean bag chair, staring down his homework, mindlessly playing footsies with Connor.

A light blush covered Connor's cheeks and he smiled a bit, but he was focused mostly on Jude.

Jude's deep brown hair was still styled upward, but a few strands were falling out of place and Connor wanted nothing more than to lean forward and push them into place. Jude's caramel brown eyes were focused on his textbook, his eyes shining a bit, narrowed slightly and his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. His cheekbones and jaw were much more defined than they had been four years ago. As Taylor put it, you could cut your finger on his jawline, it was so sharp. Connor couldn't help but agree. His pink lips with slightly parted in his focus.

He was cute and beautiful and hot and sexy all at once and Connor loved and hated him for it.

_It's dangerous, I'm fallin'._

Connor bit his lip as his eyes fixed back on the strands of hair falling from Jude's upward do. 

This time when the thought of pushing the strands out of the way came to his head, he found himself doing it.

He leant forward carefully, hand stretched out and brushed the strands back into place. Jude's hair had always been ridiculously soft.

Jude's foot stilled against Connor's, his eyes lifting from his work, a bit wide, his eyebrows furrowing further.

Oh no.

  _There's no escape, I can't wait._

Connor's own eyes widened and he swallowed as he looked at Jude who had locked eyes with him, his heart beating a mile a minute.

Why had he done that? He'd managed to withhold every single other urge, to kiss, hug, hold, touch Jude in the last three years that he had. Why was this one different?

Maybe that was it. Three years of repression. Maybe he just couldn't hold it in anymore. Whatever it was, he'd made a mistake. 

"I-I-I'm sorry, i-it j-just-" Connor cut off his own ridiculous stuttering as Jude moved his books over, standing and walking over to Connor.

Connor angled his head upward to look at Jude as he stood over him, a flush creeping up his neck, his mouth becoming dry and his breath coming out heavy. What was Jude gonna do?

  _I need a hit, baby, give me it. You're dangerous, I'm lovin' it._

Connor's eyes followed Jude as he slowly sat down beside Connor, his own eyes never leaving the sandy-haired boy.

Jude sat down so their sides were pressed together, his eyes scanning over Connor's face. Connor's breath hitched and he held it, awaiting Jude's next move.

"Why did you do that?" Jude asked, his voice barely a breath.

God, Jude. Why was he like this?

Connor swallowed him. "I-It was j-j-just b-bothering m-me," he stuttered out, eyes wide.

Jude paused, eyes seeming to sadden a moment before determination set in. Oh no.

"That's not true," Jude stated simply. He knew. Oh, God, he knew.

"I... I-"

"Do you still love me?"

  _Too high, can't come down. Loosin' my head, spinnin' 'round and 'round. Do you feel me now?_

Connor swore his heart stopped. 

"What?" he breathed, fear shooting through him.

"Do you still love me?" Jude repeated, tilting his head.

Connor took a deep breath and closed his eyes, before slowly opening them, looking at Jude in the eyes. "Yes," he whispered.

He was prepared for what happened next.

_With a taste of your lips, I'm on a ride. You're toxic, I'm slippin' under, with a taste of your poison paradise._

Jude stared at him for a moment, before a slow smile creeped onto his face. 

Connor furrowed his eyebrows and was about to speak when Jude leaned forward, his hand coming up to cup the back of Connor's neck as he crashed their lips together, his eyes falling closed.

Connor's eyes widened, frozen in shock, and he almost pulled away, but because of Jude's hand on the back of his next, keeping him there, he couldn't.

The shock wore off moments later and he relaxed, eyes closing and kissing Jude back, his arms moving around Jude's waist.

Jude grinned against Connor's lips, his hand moving up into Connor's hair. 

Connor pulled him closer and Jude ended up in his lap as they kissed.

His arms were wrapped all the way around Jude, as if to pin him there.

They pulled away only when they became desperate for air.

_I'm addicted to you, don't you know that you're toxic?_

They were both breathing heavily, watching the other intently.

"I still love you, too," Jude whispered after a few moments of silence.

Connor felt a grin take over his face. "I got that," he whispered back, grinning and blushing. "God, I can't believe I've gone this long without kissing you," he murmured, relaxed completely as he looked at Jude.

"Me neither," Jude whispered. 

Connor's grin widened and he kissed Jude again.

 

_And I love what you're doin', don't you know that you're toxic?_


	14. Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four years. That's how long it'd been since they'd talked. But now it felt like no time had passed.

_Hey. I was doing just fine before I met you. I drink too much and that's an issue, but I'm okay._

"So, you're breaking up with me?" Connor asked, crossing his arms over his chest and raising his eyebrows at his most current boyfriend, Logan.

Logan laughed humorlessly, shaking his head. "We're hardly even together! We've been together two months and all you want to do is have sex!" he snapped.

Connor narrowed his eyes. "That's not true," he stated simply.

"It is! Everytime I even try to connect to you in a way that's not physical, you distract me by kissing me or make up some excuse! I'm sick of it! If you can't be with me, and I mean  _really_ be with me, then there's no point!" Logan shouted.

Connor rolled his eyes, shaking his head. He knew Logan was right, but he wasn't about to admit that. "Whatever. I don't need you anyway. I was doing just fine before we met."

_Hey. You tell your friends it was nice to meet them. But I hope I never see them again._

"You honestly believe you were fine before we met? Or that you're fine  _now?_ " Logan asked, scoffing

Connor furrowed his eyebrows. "What are you talking about?"

"I mean, before I met you, I knew you were like this. Connor Stevens, LA's biggest player. Silly me, I thought I could change you," Logan muttered, shaking his head.

"I'm not a player!" Connor snapped.

"Oh, yes, you are. You're incapable for feeling anything romantic for anyone. It's all sexual," Logan answered. "I don't know if you've always been like this, but since not long after you moved here, you've been a player. Maybe someone hurt you and you're afraid of being close to anyone, I don't know," Logan theorized out loud.

Connor's features hardened. "Get out."

Logan looked surprised. "What?"

"I said: Get. Out!" Connor snapped. "I never want to see you or any of your friends again!" 

Logan looked at him another moment before nodding slowly and then leaving.

_I know it breaks your heart. Moved to the city in a broke down car._

Logan had struck a nerve. He was so right about everything, but Connor refused to face it.

Ever since the day he'd moved to LA he'd known something was wrong, that something would happen. That didn't make it hurt any less when Jude finally broke it off.

He'd thought of Jude so many times since their final texts to each other and it broke his heart more and more everytime. 

So, yeah, he'd turned to physical relationships to avoid that pain again. Because, God, had it hurt. The first cut truly is the deepest.

_And four years no calls. Now you're looking pretty in a hotel bar._

And Logan just had to bring it up again. Make all that pain come flooding back, as fresh as it had been the day it'd happened. 

Connor told his mother quickly that he was going out, not telling her where. 

He found the closest place with alcohol, which happened to be a hotel near his house with a bar. 

When Connor arrived, he flashed his fake ID to the bartender and ordered a shot of whiskey, sitting down on the stool. He downed that son of a bitch the second the bartender placed it down.

He tapped the glass, signaling for another, his eyes scanning the area.

Then he froze. Standing there, four stools down, was Jude Adams Foster, looking as beautiful as ever.

Sure, he had changed over the years. His hair had grown out a bit. He'd gained muscle, a tan, and a lot of height. His features were much more defined. But it was still  _Jude._

_And I can't stop._

Before Connor knew what he was doing, he was walking over. "What are you doing here?" he asked when he was in hearing range and then stopped only a few inches from him.

Jude turned toward him instantly and Connor heard his breath hitch as he recognized him and looked him over. 

"Connor," Jude breathed.

"Yeah. Yeah, it's me Jude. What are you doing here?" he asked, his voice filled with hostility. 

Jude flinched at his tone. "It's nearly New Years. Taylor, Daria,  and I, we uh, booked a room here for a little get away from family," he explained, voice filled with something Connor couldn't quite put his finger on.

"And you didn't think you'd run into me at some point?" Connor asked, raising his eyebrows.

"No, I was hoping to," Jude admitted, sighing. "I decided the hotel, and I remembered you telling me where your mom lived so I chose the one closest to it. I wanted to see you again," he explained quietly.

_No, I can't stop._

Connor looked at him a moment, surprised. "Why?" he asked quietly. 

"Because I made a mistake," he answered firmly, then let out a sigh as Connor's eyes widened slightly at his tone. "Can we go somewhere and talk? Alone?" he asked, glancing around. 

Connor paused and then nodded. 

"Thank you," Jude murmured. He led Connor out then, after a brief discussion about how Connor's mom was home and that Taylor and Daria were in their hotel room.

They got into Connor's Rover and drove until they found a detour in the road. Connor parked and then faced Jude. 

Jude was already facing him and he let out a sigh. "I'm so sorry I hurt you," he whispered, looking at him. 

Connor was taken aback at the apology.

"I should never have done that. I loved you and I never wanted to hurt you. I was an asshole and I'm so sorry. I should never have let you go," Jude elaborated.

Connor looked at him for a long moment, and before he knew what he was doing next he had pulled Jude into a heated kiss.

_So, baby pull me closer in the backseat of your Rover, that I know you can't afford. Bite that tattoo on your shoulder._

Jude gasped and then kissed back, hands instantly moving into Connor's hair. Connor nipped his bottom lip and Jude parted his lips, allowing Connor to slip his tongue into his mouth.

Jude groaned and Connor moved his hands under Jude's shirt, pulling upward. Jude pulled back, letting Connor pull his shirt off and then tugging at his own.

"Backseat," Connor grunted and Jude nodded, moving himself over the console and into the backseat. Connor was on top of him in the neck second, kissing down his neck and then nipping at the tattoo Jude had on his shoulder.

_Pull the sheets right off the corner of the matress that you stole from your roomate back in Boulder._

"Fuck," Jude moaned as Connor sucked a hickey onto his skin, hands roaming over Jude's body. Jude was doing everything he could to get Connor impossibly closer, hands tugging at his hair.

"God, I missed you," Connor mumbled against his neck.

"I missed you, too," Jude gasped, pressing his hips up against Connor's.

Connor groaned, shuddering and then rolled his hips back against Jude's.

"I want you," Jude breathed and Connor echoed the words effortlessly.

Somehow everything was the same and yet completely different as when they had been together.

They still moved in sync, knew each others movements and practically read each others' mind.

But the four year space and maturity was there, sending them into overdrive, wanting each other more.

There were no thoughts of what would happen later, or any hesitations. There was just now, and them. Just as it had been those years ago. Just as it would always be.

_We ain't ever getting older._


End file.
